


Formidable Marinade

by saigne



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Blood, M/M, University AU, Violence, its also very gratuitous, other characters appear, serial killer au, some ooc Cause this is based of a few pixiv artists art
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2019-08-05 09:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16365044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saigne/pseuds/saigne
Summary: On the third day of Shirou’s university life, the girlfriend of his new friend is found dead in an alley.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wonder if anyone knows which artists I’m talking about.
> 
> Side note: college and university are used in the United States interchangeably, which might get confusing for people in places where it’s not. 
> 
> Warnings: blood

Shirou Emiya is all too aware of the eyes on him during his Biology 100 class. They burn a hole into the back of his head, and when he turns away from the professor to find the offender he draws a blank. Everyone is studiously taking notes or on their phones, all looking away from him. He sighs, turning back and taking notes on the syllabus he was given. It must be first day jitters.

It’s exciting, being at a university overseas. Kiritsugu suggested it, told Shirou to see the world outside of Fuyuki and live before giving his life to others, and despite Shirou’s hesitation he was enjoying it so far. He pauses his thoughts, copying down the professor’s office hours and email for the class. He’s grateful his dad has always insisted on him learning a few languages, especially now that he’s here and can understand the pun the professor told in English, the class laughing. 

The class is dismissed with that final bit, twenty minutes early, and Shirou takes his time packing his things. He goes up to the professor, introducing himself and thanking her for her work. The professor stares at him in surprise before breaking into a smile and thanking him for being so attentive. They chat a little more, Shirou happy it comes so easily to him. 

Shirou still feels the eyes on him, turning around after saying goodbye and grabbing his belongings. Out of over eighty students, only seven others remain in the lecture hall. Even with this, he still can’t be sure which of them was watching at him, or why. Or if there was anyone watching at all. 

He shrugs it off, sure it won’t happen again. The rest of the day is uneventful, the same process as the first class repeating itself multiple times. An in depth explanation of the class, a reading assignment here or there, and a goodbye. 

The next day is more or less the same. A different set of classes, a few repeats faces, and then a meeting with his advisor. He’s grateful for the help, the advisor (Chiron, if he remembers right) helping him plan out his courses for the next seven years. Double majoring and then going to law school takes time, after all. 

He thanks Chiron for his help, heading back to the dorm rooms before diner. It’s exciting, all of this, and knowing good will come of it in the end. He nods to his roommate, some American guy named Jason, before sitting on his bed and calling his dad. It’s a short conversation, Kiritsugu never one for many words. In the background he can hear Illya and Iris talking, the words too muffled to make out but there nonetheless. He doesn’t say it, but despite that Shirou knows his dad is proud. It makes him feel warm after he’s hung up, carrying that feeling to the cafeteria.

Wednesday finds him in biology again, nine in the morning somehow being later than he’s used to and all at once far too early. It’s the same, mostly, the only difference being the person next to him. Last time, a petite blond who introduced themselves (him? Her? He’s not sure and he figures it’s not his business) as Arthur. Now it’s a huge guy with blue hair and wide smiles, Cu. 

They chat for a bit and Shirou finds out Cu is a third year, was putting off his science general eds, and a liberal arts major.

“I figured if all else fails I’ll just get my old job back,” Cu says in reply to the unasked question of _aren’t liberal arts degrees worthless?_

Shirou just nods, introducing himself and missing the glint in Cu’s eyes when he hears his last name. He opens his mouth to say something but the professor starts the lecture then, shutting them both up. He feels eyes on him again, and when he glances at Cu he can see him quickly look to the front of the room again. He’ll ask about it later.

Ten minutes in Shirou finds it’s impossible to pay attention. He can feel Cu’s eyes on him, and it’s only respect for his professor that stops him from demanding to know why. By the time the class ends he’s not even paying attention, having missed most of the lesson in favor of glaring at the wall.

When the class if finally over he turns his head to stare at the other man, about to demand what the hell his deal is.

“So, like, do you have a brother named Archer?” Cu’s chin is resting in his hand, lazy smile sliding across his face like he already knows the answer.

It’s enough to throw Shirou, blinking before he nods, anger forgotten. “Yeah, he’s my older brother.”

Cu laughs, hitting Shirou’s arms lightly. “I knew it! You reminded me of him.”

“You know my brother?” Shirou is more surprised than anything. Archer is always gone on business, doing who knows what and leaving the rest of the family behind. “How? He never tells us about anything?”

Cu looks surprised, tilting his head the side and looking away, thinking. “We used to work together.”

“Oh. What did you do?”

“Ah, well,” Cu shrugs, leaning back in his seat. “If you don’t know I don’t think it’s my place to say but... freelance work mainly. Archer always went for the humanitarian jobs.”

“That’s... interesting.” It’s odd to meet someone that knows his brother, especially at a school so far from home. Cu gestures for them pack up, Shirou following suit and walking out of the lecture hall with him.

They keep talking, Shirou laughing at an embarrassing story of Archer because honestly? Hearing about his proud and proper older brother tricked into stripping is hilarious. Before he knows it they’re standing in front of his next class, Shirou leaning against the wall and Cu in front of him. Cu is leaning in, practically looming over Shirou, and Shirou should care but he doesn’t.

“Give me your number.” Cu smiles as he says it, holding up his phone. 

“Huh?”

“That way if either of us miss class we can text each other.” Cu shrugs, still holding his phone up in expectation. 

Shirou nods, not sure what he was expecting. “Right.”

He tells Cu his number, getting a text a second later from an unknown number. It’s a wink and a dog emoji, and Shirou laughs because it’s obvious who it’s from. “Alright.”

He adds the number into his contacts, sending a smiley back to Cu. Cu smiles in a way that reminds Shirou of his little sister. It’s bright and happy and idly he wonders if Cu would get along with Illya.

“Oh, before I go, you should come to a party this weekend.” Cu is leaning in close again, enough that Shirou can feel the heat radiating from his body. He smells like pine. 

“Ah, I’m not really the party type.” Shirou looks to the side, not sure how to deal with the invasion of his personal space.

Cu nods like he expected it. “Think of it as networking, and getting a lay of the land. And besides, you’re more responsible than most people, so at the very least you can keep an eye on things.”

It’s the right answer, really. If Shirou had a shred of self awareness he’d wonder how Cu cherry picked the right words to get him to go. Regardless, Shirou relents, stepping into the classroom with a goodbye wave to Cu. He’d be lying if he wasn’t a little excited at the idea of his first college party. 

It’s very hard to concentrate, again.

——

When Shirou reaches for his toothpaste he curses, remembering he threw away the tube earlier. It was empty, every last drop of toothpaste wrung out of it. Shirou curses again, grabbing his phone to check the time, 11:27pm. 

The school store closed long ago, the only option being the one of the convenience stores near the edges of campus. He sighs, tying his shoes and grabbing his coat, ignoring the look Jason gives him as he leaves the dorm room.

He gets to the front door of the dorms and swears again, earning a few looks from the other people hanging out in the lobby. Of course it’s raining. Of course he didn’t notice. Briefly Shirou considers just not brushing, but the thought of not being able to brush his teeth in the morning spurs him on. Ugh, morning breath.

He heads back upstairs. Raincoat. Umbrella. He‘s downstairs a moment later, opening the umbrella quickly as he steps out, cold despite both jackets. 

It’s not too far, thirty minutes or so. The walk is made worse by the rain, the lights illuminating the campus and giving it an eerie orange glow. Shirou keeps walking, ignoring the few people he sees as he makes his way to the nearest convenience store. 

The walk is uneventful, the rain falling in consistently, filling the otherwise quiet night with a backdrop of white noise. It softens other noises, Shirou’s shoes a barely there sound on the wet concrete.

He’s almost to the store when he hears it, a soft rasp coming between two buildings. He glances into the alleyway as he walks by, expecting nothing. At most, he expected a stray animal. 

The last thing he expects to see is a person. He stops in his tracks, eyes drawn to the light reflecting off a blade in the stranger’s hand. His eyes then slide lower,to the woman. A body dressed in far too little clothes, fabric torn. She moans, a soft low noise that sounds like an animal’s bleat. He can barely hear it over the rain and yet somehow it’s deafening. 

The figure finally notices him, head turning just enough that Shirou can make out an eye staring at him. The face is obscured in shadows still, and Shirou is rooted in place by that look. His skin itches, feeling like the stare is peeling back layer after layer. 

Red swirls are slowly drifting over to him, brought by the rain. Blood. Her blood. A memory flashes in his head, being a child and telling his family he’s going to be a hero of justice. He believed it-no, he believes it. But the blood slowly drifts towards shoes, and when it creeps too close up he can’t help but step back.

The figure in the alley still hasn’t moved, knife washed clean in the rain. It watches Shirou, doing nothing when the shaking teen takes another step back. Shirou will hate himself later for running, but now he moves his legs as fast as he can to get away. With each step he expects to feel a knife in his back, the glint of the blade haunting him. The thirty minute walk takes only ten minutes like this, Shirou fumbling with the lock to the building when he finally gets there. He’s shaking, eventually managing to get the door open. 

He doesn’t stop, making his way to his dorm room and turning on the lights. He closes the door, a dull thump as he slumps against it and slides to the ground, breathing heavy. It takes fifteen minutes to calm down enough to move, and he stands, shrugging off his wet coat and realizing somewhere along the way he lost his umbrella. 

He makes his way to his bed, noticing that his roommate is gone and he realizes he doesn’t care. He climbs onto the bed, barely remembering to kick his shoes off and still shaking lightly as he pulls the blankets around himself. 

It’s past midnight and he still has an 8am class tomorrow. Shirou’s last thought as he falls asleep is that he still doesn’t have toothpaste.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Shirou is a weird combination of pushover and stubborn, and both are extreme.
> 
> Anyways Shirou is “softer” here than in canon because he actually has a whole family (Ilya, Iris, Kiritsugu, Archer) and isn’t as... messed up as canon anime Shirou. Well at the very least he’s still just as dumb. 
> 
> Warnings: NSFW, dubcon, alcohol

Shirou wakes up before his alarm, not thinking as he goes through the motions of getting ready. He blinks and suddenly he’s in class, a notebook full of notes he doesn’t remember taking and a lecture mostly over. 

Halfway through the day Shirou realizes he’s in shock. The realization doesn’t help, and before he knows it he’s is laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. The patterns look like the blood he saw, one slowly forming the body in the alley. He closes his eyes.

Instead of helping the woman in the alley he ran away, leaving her to die. It’s such a sharp contrast to what he always thought would happen he almost can’t believe it. Surely he ran towards her, right? Hes supposed to help people, like his dad, not bolt. He’s grateful that Jason left the room earlier, tears welling up and falling down his cheeks. He doesn’t remember falling asleep.

If Thursday was surreal, Friday feels too normal. The only indication of anything being wrong was an email sent out by the school in the morning. Shirou read over it indifferently, spooning cereal into his mouth as he reads the words on the screen. It’s impersonal, just that there were two bodies found, one a female student. The words turn into blood on concrete. Shirou closes the email and pockets his phone as he finishes his breakfast. 

The walk to biology is calm, and he wonders if he cried out all his emotions last night. If that’s why he feels so empty. Arthur gives him a look as he sits in his usual seat, eyebrows turning up in worry. He smiles back at them, knowing he probably looks like death warmed over. It’s selfish, but he wishes they were Cu, or someone who’d at least drag him out of his own head. 

It’s not until the class starts and there’s still no Cu that he worries, Shirou looking around for a sign of the man. Nothing. His blood turns to ice when he remembers the email. A man and a woman. A man. If Cu is dead it’s his fault for running. For not stopping the figure in the alley. Even if he himself had died at least then-

One of the doors behind the professor opens and Shirou sags in his seat. Cu is fine. Mostly. If Shirou looks like death warmed over Cu looks like death decomposing in a river. Shirou watches as he walks up to the professor, talking to her for a moment before shrugging at something she says and heading over to Shirou. 

Cu shoots a look at Arthur, jaw clenching for a moment. He looks to the student on the other side of Shirou. It’s a guy in a few of his classes, wavy purple hair and an attitude that screams he’s trying too hard. Less nicely put, he’s a prick. Shirou doesn’t really like him, but he still feels bad for the way Cu glares until the guy grabs his stuff and moves to another seat. 

Cu drops into the now empty chair, the professor starting the class after another moment. Shirou stares, wanting to ask what’s wrong and regretting picking a front row seat. He puts a hand on Cu’s arm, squeezing lightly. _I’m here._

The other man doesn’t say anything, quiet for a few minutes and then taking a deep breath. Shirou is still staring, taking note of the bags under Cu’s eyes. He looks so pale today, tired, and Shirou can’t bring himself to take his hand away.

The class feels like it takes forever, Shirou immediately turning to Cu with wide eyes when the lecture is done for the day. “Are you okay?”

Cu stares at him for a moment, slumping forward to bury his face in his hands. “The girl that was-the girl was- she, she was my girlfriend.”

Shirou can feel his blood turn to ice, cruelly reminded by his conscience that he was there. He could have done something, and instead he ran. It’s his fault she died.

“I’m sorry,” he rasps out. “I’m so so sorry.”

He moves so he’s half hugging Cu, squeezing the larger man’s shoulders and trying to find some other way to comfort him. It’s awkward, the noises of everyone packing up reminding Shirou that they’re not alone. 

He hears Arthur standing behind him and he’s about to turn to say something when he’s yanked down. Cu is hugging him, chin pressing into his shoulder and squeezing him like a lifeline. 

He’s too surprised to say anything, blinking in shock. He hears a sniffle, and Cu squeezes him tighter. It’s awkward, the armrest between the chairs pressing into his side and he can feel Arthur’s eyes on them. He pats Cu’s back despite his discomfort, hearing Arthur leave but still held too tightly move. 

Cu stays like that a little longer, eventually letting go and furiously rubbing his eyes. He smiles weakly, face red and eyes puffy. “Sorry about that. Uh, I lost my cool.”

Shirou nods, trying to smile back. “It’s alright. I’d be more surprised if you didn’t.”

Cu laughs, sounding just a little more like himself. “True.”

They’re almost alone, Shirou biting his lip as he tries to think of what to do now, how to help. “Do you want me to skip class? I’m sure you don’t want to be alone right now.”

He shouldn’t, he knows he should be a good student and go, but Cu needs someone right now and he’s willing to be that person. Cu is his friend, despite only knowing him for a few days, and Shirou has an obligation to help in any way he can.

It’s worth it when Cu’s face lights up. He still looks like crap, but he looks so grateful at the offer Shirou can feel his heart jump in his chest.

They leave the lecture hall, and it becomes a simple matter of finding a place where they can talk with some privacy. It’s harder than Shirou expected, every ten steps someone coming up to them and talking in a hushed voice to Cu, giving their condolences and asking if he’s okay while Shirou stands by uselessly. 

Cu apologizes to him after each time, smiling wryly at Shirou after the sixth person walks up to them. “I guess I’m kind of popular?”

“I can see that.” Shirou smiles, relieved that Cu isn’t without support, himself aside. “Do you want to stay around here?”

Cu shakes his head. “This is nice but it’s kind of...”

“Too much?”

“Yeah.”

They stop walking, Shirou thinking for a moment. “Let’s just go to my room. My roommmate probably isn’t there right now.”

Cu nods, and they make it almost halfway before they’re stopped again. This time Shirou at least knows who it is. “Hi, Arthur.”

Arthur smiles sweetly at him, tipping their head in greeting and waving to him with a sandwich in hand. “Hi, Shirou. I didn’t expect to see you two together.”

Shirou smiles back, about to speak before Cu beats him to it. “Shirou’s just keeping me some company after what happened.”

Arthur looks between them, a strange expression flashing across their face before the smile is back in place. “Yes, that was rather tragic. I’m sorry for you loss, Cu.”

“Thanks Arthur, that means so much coming from you.” 

There’s a strange tension in the air, Shirou looking between the two of them helplessly. “Uhm...”

They both look to him as if they’re surprised he’s there. Arthur pulls out their phone, not looking up as they speak. “Right. Anyways. I’ll see you in class, then. Shirou, Cu.”

Arthur offers him a parting wave, ignoring Cu entirely as they walk off. Shirou stares a little longer at Arthur’s retreating form, confused.

“Sorry. Arthur still doesn’t like me for quitting my old job.” Shirou looks at him curiously. 

“The one with my brother?”

“Yeah. Like, uh, I guess I left at a bad time and so Arthur has kinda a chip on their shoulder about it. Five dollars says they were texting him.” Cu looks almost guilty, reminding Shirou of a dog that knows it’s in trouble. 

He smiles, patting Cu’s shoulder. “I’m sure they’re get over it.”

“Man, I hope so.” Cu shifts from foot to foot, sighing. “Uh, anyways, wanna go?”

“Oh! Yes! Sorry.” Shirou starts walking again, Cu following right behind him. He tries to keep it light while they make their way to the freshmen dorms, sure Cu doesn’t want to talk about something so heavy out in the open like this. He looks uncomfortable enough with everyone coming up to him. 

They arrive without incident, and Shirou is thankful that Cu doesn’t know many freshman. They do get a few looks as they walk to the stairs, which is fair, since Cu is fucking huge and also has blue hair.

They get to Shirou’s floor, his room being first next to the stairs. When they walk into the room Cu snorts. 

“Jesus dude, you can barely tell you’re staying here.” Shirou blushes, looking from his side to his roommates side. His side is void of anything aside from a few textbooks, his computer, and a plain blue bedspread. His roommates side is floor to ceiling covered in posters, desk already cluttered after a week. 

“I didn’t want to bring too much on the plane.” It’s more like he didn’t have much to bring, but he’s not going to admit that.

Cu grins for the first time today, sitting on the edge of the bed and kicking his shoes off. Shirou stands awkwardly, only moving when Cu pats the spot next to him. He sits, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck while he stares at the floor.

“So, um, why were you late today?”

It’s quiet, Cu silent next to him for a moment. “They had me ID the body last night.”

Shirou doesn’t know how to respond, eyes wide. He didn’t ask the question with and expectation, but it still shocked him. “I- I’m so sorry.”

Cu’s lips twist up in a wry smile, looking pained. He’s hunched over, face in his hands. “I just- she was alive on Tuesday. We were going to go hang out on Wednesday and go to the party this weekend. And now-“

Shirou hugs him again, squeezing the other tightly. It’s still weird, but less so than before.

“Thanks.” Cu doesn’t life his head, the word instead muffled by his hands.

“Of course.” Shirou stares at the wall behind Cu, remembering the girl in the alley. It’s silent for a while then, only broken by Shirou’s phone going off. They both jump, Shirou letting go to dig it out of his pocket.

**It wasn’t your fault.** Shirou blinks at the message, not understanding _how_ Archer knew enough of what was going on to text him. He remembers Cu’s comment from before, guessing he owes the other five dollars. 

**I’m not.**

The text back is instant.

**Bullshit.** Shirou is touched by the concern as much as he is annoyed by Archer’s apparent network or informants. Not that he’s hiding things but jeez, all the way across the globe and somehow his brother still has connections. Last he heard Archer was supposed to be in Europe. 

**Maybe a little.**

**There’s nothing you could have done.** It’s true, deep down Shirou knows it. And yet...

**What if I could stop the killer?**

Shirou is distracted by a poke to the side, turning his head to remember that oh yeah, Cu is there. “Sorry, it’s my brother.”

Cu’s eyebrows furrow. “Your- you mean Archer?”

“Yeah. He heard about... you know.” Shirou looks down at the text he just got, frowning.

**You know what would happen. Maybe you hurt them, but you’d be dead. Best case scenario: the hospital.**

Shirou glares at the screen. He can hear Cu shuffle next to him before the phone plucked out of his hand. He starts, reaching for it but Cu blocks him with his body. He can see Cu sending a text, unable to stop him. A second later Cu tosses the phone onto the bed next to him and out of Shirou’s reach. “There. I told him to chill out.”

He sideyes Shirou now, expression cool. “So why do you blame yourself?”

Shirou swallows, looking away, ignoring the fact that the question meant Cu read the messages. “I just- it happened so close to campus and I just feel if I did something different... maybe I could have stopped it.”

Cu smiles. “Not that I think you suck or anything, but Archer is probably right that you’d have gotten pretty hurt. Or, you know.”

Shirou groans, leaning back. “I know. I’m sorry. I made this about me.”

Cu shakes his head. “It’s fine. Rather talk about than mope or sit at home. I’m looking forward to Saturday to distract me, too.”

That surprises Shirou. He’d have thought Cu would want the time alone. “You still want to go to the party?”

Cu sighs, nodding. “If I had it my way I’d be drinking right now.”

“Oh. Sorry I don’t have anything.” Shirou winces, knowing how much it probably sounds like he’s pouting.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. My liver is totally grateful.” Whatever he’s about to say next is cut off by the rapid fire text alerts coming from Shirou’s phone. Cu grabs it, glancing at the screen and laughing. “Archer is yelling at me and also you. I’d ignore your phone for a while.”

Shirou just nods, watching as Cu tosses the phone on the bed again. It’s easier to talk now, at least, the topics staying away from Cu’s loss. He’s seems almost normal, a little quieter and Shirou wonders if it’s for his own benefit or Shirou’s. Fake it till you make it, as they say.

They hang out for a while, raiding Shirou’s mini fridge for food when Cu’s stomach growls. Goodbye his careful food prep for the week, but at least his friend enjoyed it, if the borderline pornographic moans were anything to go by.

It’s dark by the time they finish eating, Cu staring out the window. “Do you mind if I spend the night? My roommates are out tonight and I don’t really want to be by myself.”

Shirou doesn’t even hesitate. “Of course! I can sleep on the floor while you t-“

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

Cu looks embarrassed. “I mean- I just- I can’t let you take the floor.”

“Well, you’re not taking the floor.” Shirou crosses his arms, staring at Cu stubbornly. The silence stretches on until Cu breaks, huffing.

“We can share the bed?” Cu says each world slowly, like he’s weighing them on his tongue. 

It’s not ideal but Shirou gets the feeling neither of them are going to back down otherwise. At least, he won’t. Besides, he’s used to sharing his futon with Ilya when she was younger so it’s not like it’s that different. Right?

Shirou wakes up the next morning smothered by Cu’s chest and realizes it is in fact very different. 

He sits up, slowly extricating himself from the mess of limbs keeping him down. He looks over to his roommate’s bed, seeing that Jason is there, before getting up and shaking Cu awake. 

It’s early, too early to be awake, but Shirou has an 8am and he doesn’t want to leave Cu in his bed for his roommate to find.

To his benefit, Cu is easy to herd out of the room, a little drowsy and very clingy as Shirou gives him his jacket and bag. It’s easier then, the two eventually parting ways after Cu stubbornly insists on sitting through Shirou’s 8am lecture. The rest of the day passes without incident, Shirou eventually apologizing to Archer for Cu and only getting lightly scolded. 

Saturday afternoon finds Cu sitting in Shirou’s dorm room, systematically rejecting every shirt Shirou owns due to the fact they’re all plain T-shirt’s. Cu eventually says yes to a dark red shirt, sighing. With that they can finally leave, Cu mentioning something about buying clothes and Shirou pointedly ignoring the comment as they head to Cu’s car.

It’s blue, of course it is, some American brand Shirou doesn’t recognize. The engine is loud, the music that starts up with the car louder still, Shirou yelping at the sudden noise while Cu snickers. 

The drive isn’t too long, the houses slowly getting larger and larger and suddenly Shirou is grateful he’s wearing one of his nicer shirts. They park next to a massive house with countless cars already jammed into the oversized driveway. 

It’s loud, music audible from the car, more so when Shirou gets out of the car. The open the front door and step inside, music vibrating throughout the house. Actually, House is generous. It’s a mansion. He can see rather than hear Cu laugh at his awestruck expression, leading him in. People keep bumping into him, and Shirou ends up grabbing Cu’s shirt so he’s not swept away by the tide of bodies. 

Cu looks back at him, laughing again and Shirou is amazed at how normal he seems, almost like Wednesday night didn’t happen. Shirou brushes it off, deciding it’s just Cu’s own form of grieving, and instead tries to smile. 

He’s led towards the kitchen, staring at the size of it. It’s massive, fitting in with the rest of the house. There’s an island in the center, topped with a black counter and covered in plastic cups, snacks, and more drinks than Shirou can count. Cu looks right at home, grabbing a few different drinks as well as some cups. “Damn, Gil, you really went all out this time.”

He makes his way back over to Shirou. “You ever drink before?” Shirou, age 18 and a good boy, had not.

“No.” Cu just hums, nodding.

“I figured as much.” He sets the all drinks down, grabbing a soda can and another bottle. He opens the can, pouring some into each cup before pouring different amounts of what Shirou can only guess is alcohol into each. Shirou can’t keep up, too distracted by the noises around him to pay attention. 

Cu slides one of the cups over to him, lifting his own in a mock cheers. “Alright, drink up.”

Shirou takes the cup, holding it up nervously and sniffing. It smells like alcohol, that’s for sure. “I’m only-“

“Relax. Most of the people here are underaged. No one cares.” Cu waves a hand, grinning as he grabs his cup and drinks half of it on one go. “Besides, I put less alcohol in yours.”

Shirou hesitates for another minute, eventually giving in under the force of Cu’s expectant smile. It tastes like shit, honestly. He can taste the soda Cu put in, the sweet soft drink easily overwhelmed by what is probably rocket fuel. It burns, and Shirou sputters as he tries to swallow the drink, coughing despite his best efforts.

Cu laughs, finishing off his own drink and knocking his empty cup against Shirou’s. “It gets better, I swear.”

Shirou eyes the remaining liquid dubiously, steeling himself for the burn. It’s not any better the second time around, Shirou’s eyes tearing up from the spirits. 

He smiles awkwardly when Cu laughs again, taking another cup that’s offered to him. It smells like mangos, and Shirou is desperate enough to get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth that he downs it without question. It’s sweet, the bitterness lingering on his tongue lessened and quickly fading. “Thanks.”

Despite the residual warmth Shirou doesn’t feel anything drastic yet, surprised. Either movies lied to him, or it just wasn’t that much. 

Then he tries to walk and the room tips.

There are hands on him instantly, his back hitting a warm chest and when he glances up Cu is grinning, face flushed. “Gotta watch your balance, man.”

Shirou laughs, grabbing the counter to steady himself. “Yeah.”

He smiles at Cu, managing to straighten himself. The hands don’t leave his sides, and Shirou is grateful for the contact. “I hope I can make you feel better.”

Cu blinks at him in surprise, smile seemingly frozen in place. “You’re helping so much.”

Shirou leans against the counter, smiling up at Cu. “I’m glad.”

Cu makes a face that reminds Shirou vaguely of someone staring at a kitten, which is dumb because there aren’t any kittens in sight. He says something else that Shirou can’t quiet make out, a group of girls coming in to raid the alcohol and drowning out whatever Cu says. “What?”

Cu just shakes his head, smiling a little wider and pulling Shirou out of the kitchen and into the living room. He stumbles, letting the taller man lead him into the sea of bodies.

The music is loud, vibrating in Shirou’s chest. It’s a remix of some popular song Shirou can’t be bothered to remember, sounding so much better than when he heard it before. He keeps tripping, distracted by all the people bumping into him. Cu bends down, practically shouting into his ear to be heard over all the noise.

“Dance with me.”

Normally he’d refuse, and if someone insisted Shirou would give any excuse necessary to get out of it. Now it’s really easy for Shirou to listen, especially when he’s drunk enough to not care about the fact he’s never actually danced before. It helps that no one is very skilled, instead just a bunch of drunk kids convulsing to bass boosted music.

He gets into it and it’s fun, more fun than Shirou expected, and like this he’s able to forget about what happened. It’s just music and moving and bright lights. It’s great.

Cu is a good dancer, Shirou decides. He has no metric to judge this, but Cu looks much better than everyone else so obviously he’s the best. Cu’s hair came lose at some point, blue falling over his shoulders as he moves and Shirou can’t help but stare. It’s pretty.

Someone bumps into Shirou, pitching him forward and into Cu’s chest. Cu snickers, stopping long enough so that Shirou can get his bearings. “You’re so big.”

The words are barely said, and should be imposible to hear, but Cu laughs in a way that makes Shirou certain he did. He joins in on the laughter because what else is he supposed to do?

The song ends, another starting up and breaking whatever moment they just shared. Shirou pulls away from Cu, starting to dance again. Somehow throughout the song Cu ends up behind him, Shirou made aware of this face when a wide chest presses against his back. How many times did this make already?

He starts to slow down, figuring maybe he just fell into Cu again (the room is still spinning, after all). 

“Don’t stop.” Cu’s voice is hot in his ear, in involuntary shiver running down his spine. He can feel Cu’s hands on his hips, guiding him to match the other’s movements. Shirou doesn’t know what to do with his hands in this position, eventually just placing them over Cu’s own. 

It’s so easy to get lost in it, the contact welcome after Shirou gets over his surprise. Everything feels like it’s too much and too far away all at once, Cu’s body the only thing keeping him grounded. The hands on his hips squeeze a little tighter and he looks up, about to ask Cu why.

He barely gets a word out when he’s cut off, lips pressing against his own and swallowing the yelp of surprise. Cu’s eyes are half lidded, one hand leaving Shirou’s hip to tangle in his hair, keeping him in place. 

Cu doesn’t break the kiss, licking into his mouth and in the back of his mind Shirou notes he can’t taste the alcohol anymore. That’s good. They’re still moving, the pretense of dancing all but dropped as Cu grinds against Shirou. It feels good, really really good, Shirou grinding back as Cu sucks on his tongue. 

Cu finally breaks the kiss, Shirou whining at the loss and trying to chase Cu’s mouth. He‘s panting, face red and a line of drool dripping down his chin. Cu stops dancing abruptly, keeping Shirou tight against him. “Let’s move.”

Cu steps away, hand moving from Shirou’s hip to his wrist, holding it like a vice as he tugs him off the dance floor. Shirou shivers at the loss of contact, stumbling over his own feet and others. The stairs he’s led to provide another challenge, only making it up five before Cu just picks him up bridal style. 

Shirou clings for dear life, eyes wide as Cu carries him up the staircase like it’s nothing. It’s quieter up here, the music still blaring but less suffocating than downstairs. Shirou looks down the hall to see a few people talking before he’s led in the other direction. There’s too many halls, Shirou already hopelessly lost.

Cu eventually slows down, stopping in front of closed door, shifting to open it with his knee before stepping through. It’s dark, the only light coming from a streetlight outside. Cu kicks the door to the room shut, not hesitating as he walks over to what looks like a bed.

Shirou is unceremoniously dropped into the softest bed he’s ever felt. It’s incredible, the covers smooth and cool against his skin. He rolls into his stomach, rubbing his cheek against the fabric, giggling. His skin feels too hot in the cool air, almost feverish. 

Shirou can feel the bed dip and then Cu’s lips are on his neck, trailing up towards his jaw. He turns, remembering how good the other kiss felt and wanting that again. Cu is on top of him, caging Shirou with his arms as he goes in for another kiss.

It’s shorter this time, hands sliding against his sides and lifting his shirt and pulling it off. Shirou shivers, feeling exposed and cold now. It’s too much too fast and enough to cut through the hazy feeling in his head. “I don’t-“

“Relax.” It sounds like an order, Shirou shivering again when he sees the look Cu is giving him. “Besides, I thought you wanted to make me happy.”

The words are mumbled into Shirou’s skin, mouth pressed against his shoulder. Cu stares up at him. “Don’t you wanna make me happy?”

Shirou is filled with guilt, the events of the other night feeling like a punch in the gut and cutting through his good mood like a knife. He whines, chest tight and hugging Cu against him. “Sorry. ‘M sorry.”

“So noble.” Shirou doesn’t process what he means, thoughts quickly brushed away by another kiss, this one bruising. Cu bites his lip and he gasps, the other immediately taking advantage. He can feel Cu spread his thighs, legs hooking around Cu’s hips on instinct.

Shirou’s lungs burn and he turns his head, breaking the kiss and gasping for air. He pants, groaning as Cu bites marks into his neck. He arches his back, hand coming up to tug on Cu’s hair.

Cu sinks his teeth in hard and Shirou keens, mouth hanging open. “You gotta let go.”

Cu stares at him expectantly until Shirou releases the grip on his hair, growing at the loss. Cu’s hair is soft. Cu sits back and crawls up the bed to grab a bottle off the nightstand. Of course there’s lotion on the nightstand. Of course. 

He settles between Shirou’s legs again, setting the bottle down to undo Shirou’s pants, taking his shoes off and throwing them somewhere before removing the pants. The boxers go next, Shirou blushing as Cu stares at him.

It’s embarrassing, especially when Cu spreads his legs, leaning down to kiss the inside of Shirou’s thigh. “You look good like this.”

Shirou blushes harder, looking to the side. He jolts when he feels a hand on his dick, looking back to see Cu looming over him, hand between them. He squirms, the feeling almost too much, hips bucking and oh god he’s about to-

The hand is gone in an instant, leaving Shirou panting under Cu, dazed and confused and wanting. It feels like there’s a current buzzing under his skin, He reaches down, only for his hand to get pinned to the bed a second later. “Nope.”

Cu grins, and enough to distract Shirou from the hand between his thighs and the finger pressing into his hole. It feels weird, really weird, Shirou getting distracted by the mouth on his neck. By the time Cu starts to sink into him he’s a panting mess, mouth hanging open and fingers clawing at the sheets. 

Shirou whines, the stretch burning as Cu sinks in. He’s big, so big, pushing in until his hips are flush against Shirou’s. Cu slumps over him, hands on either side of Shirou’s head and keeping him in place.

“Relax.” The word is mumbled against Shirou’s mouth, Cu panting as he keeps still. Shirou’s response is a whine, eyes screwed shut. It slowly hurts less, the mouth biting at his neck a welcome distraction.

Shirou isn’t sure when it went from pain to pleasure, just that when Cu finally drags his hips back and fucks into him it feels _good._

Shirou is loud, moaning with each thrust, eyes half lidded and mouth hanging open. Cu slowly drags his hips back before snapping them forward, smirking when one thrust draws a particularly loud moan out of Shirou. He wraps his arms around Cu’s neck, holding on as the other starts to speed up. 

Cu rails him, fucking Shirou into the mattress without mercy and it’s all he can do to hold on. He was already so close before, quickly pushed over the edge, dick throbbing between his legs. He screams when he cums, back arching off the bed and making a mess of his stomach.

Cu doesn’t stop, groaning as Shirou clenches down around him. It’s too much, Shirou’s nerves on fire as Cu keeps going. Cu finally starts to slow down, hips stuttering. He groans, grinding against Shirou with short aborted thrusts, panting. 

Shirou can feel Cu filling him, suddenly tired as he comes down from his high, Cu no longer keeping him there either. He closes his eyes, grunting when Cu flops down against him. He tries to open his eyes, he really does, but ehaustion and alcohol drag him down and he can’t resist it anymore. 

“Mine.” Shirou isn’t sure who says it, vaguely aware of arms around him as he he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I hate writing porn.
> 
> Also Cu is a bastard.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in fgo there’s an event where Muramasa (kinda Shirou) has to make a sword or something to destroy Amakusa’s (also technically Shirou) fortress or something? I haven’t played much fgo but I’d like to imagine Archer was there and hated it. 
> 
> Anyways, every version of Shirou always seems to roll with the punches really well.

The first thing Shirou notices is the pillow. It’s so soft, fluffy and perfect. The next thing he notices is the voices. They’re not soft, instead grating, and he buries his face in the pillow to try and block them out.

“So is this just a convoluted revenge scheme on your part?” Whoever asks that is loud. And obnoxious.

“One, none of your business. Two, it’s not, but if it bothers a certain someone I’m not gonna complain.” The response is quieter, this voice familiar. It’s much less obnoxious.

“It is my business considering you fucked in one of my guest rooms. If anything, you owe me for letting you stay after you defiled the bed.”

“Please, Gil, don’t even try to act like you’d kick me out.” 

Shirou grumbles, head aching the more the two voices spoke. “Wait, shut up.”

“Did you just tell me to sh-“

“He’s waking up.” 

There’s silence after that, the bed he’s on dipping slightly. Shirou cracks an eye open to see who it is, wincing the second light hits.

He can feel a hand on his side, squeezing his hip through the blanket he’s under. “Hey, Shirou.”

Shirou finally recognizes the voice as Cu, whining and burying himself under the blanket. He feels horrible, even Cu’s voice feels like a hammer to his skull despite how soft it is. He feels like shit, memories of the time he caught the flu coming back. Did he catch the flu? That would suck.

There’s a hand in his hair, fingers sliding through the short strands once before it’s gone. “Come on, I got something that’ll help.”

That’s enough to finally get him to emerge from the sanctity of the blanket. He opens his eyes again, wincing once more at the light. It’s too bright, sun filtering through the window casting the room in a soft glow that would be lovely on any other occasion. 

Shirou is suddenly struck with the realization that this is not his room. 

He might have said that last part out loud if the laugh coming from the blond in the doorway is any indication. “Where am I?”

He’s too groggy to panic, instead accepting the glass of probably orange juice that Cu pushes into his hand. “How much do you remember?”

He stares at the juice. “Dancing?”

Cu is quiet for a bit, eventually pushing the glass up from the bottom with a finger. Shirou takes a drink, thirsty despite the mild nausea. “Mmmm. Some other stuff happened that I’ll be happy to get into a little later.”

“Some other stuff. You’re funny, mongrel.” Shirou is once again reminded that this isn’t his house by the tacky blond talking. He’s vaguely reminded of one of his classmates, eyes shutting as the man’s voice sends a stabbing pain through his skull. It’s too loud. 

Cu snaps his head to glare at the man in the doorway, the blond holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry, Sorry. Don’t bite my head off.”

It’s said sarcastically, but his voice is a little quieter now. “Just make sure to leave soon, if you don’t mind.”

Cu snorts, nodding and waving the other off. The blond deems it enough and leaves them alone, Cu quietly holding up Shirou’s shirt once he’s gone. “You might need this.”

“Oh.” Shirou stares, finishing off the orange juice. He’s too out of it to fully understand what his missing a shirt means, instead pulling it on slowly.

Cu looks to the doorway, getting up off the bed to shut the door before bending over near the foot of the bed. He straightens, Shirou’s pants in his hand, moving like Shirou is a frightened animal.

“Why... do you have my clothes?” Shirou speaks slowly, ignoring the pain in favor of asking the question.

Cu carefully sits on the bed, setting the pants down between them like a peace offering. “If you get dressed I promise to talk about it over breakfast. My treat.”

Shirou pushes down the unease bubbling up (or maybe it’s the contents of his stomach, he’s not too sure) in favor of nodding and grabbing his jeans. 

He quickly pulls them on. At least, as quickly as he can while extremely hung over (oh god he has a hangover) while also trying to hide under the blanket to preserve his modesty. 

Cu has the decency to stare at the wall, only turning back to face Shirou when the younger tugs on his sleeve. “I’m good to go.”

The resulting smile is almost as blinding as the sun itself, Cu standing and waiting for Shirou to follow suit. The nausea hits full force when he stands, stumbling only to be caught by Cu. This is becoming a habit and Shirou isn’t even aware of it.

Cu helps Shirou to the bathroom, closing the door with the order to yell if he needs anything. Shirou drinks water from the sink, trying to wash out the taste of orange juice and something that’s coating his tongue. He laments the lack of toothbrush, looking under the sink and in the drawers. There’s mouthwash, at least, Shirou wincing at the sharp taste as he swishes the stuff in his mouth before spitting it out.

He finally looks in the mirror, eyes widening as he takes in his appearance. He’s looks like shit, staring at what he’s pretty sure is a cut on his lip. There’s a bruise on his neck (what the fuck?) and his skin is paler than it should be. At least the outside matches the inside, Shirou moving slowly and cursing when he hits the doorknob with his hip as he leaves the bathroom. As if that wasn’t sore enough.

Cu turns to face him as he steps out, Shirou jealous at how normal and not hung over he looks. Cu smiles sweetly, leading Shirou out of the room and down the hall. It’s all completely unfamiliar, only the faintest of memory coming as they walk down the staircase. 

Shirou pauses at the front door, looking back uncertainly, distracted by how tidy everything already looks. A cleaning service, maybe?

He can hear voices in another room, one clearly the blond from before. The other is so familiar, name on the tip of his tongue, but Cu is herding him out the door and towards the car before he can place it. 

The sun is really high up, Shirou checking his phone and gaping at the time. It’s past noon. He’s never slept in this late. Cu laughs at his reaction, still soft. 

“Relax. It’s college.” Shirou is not pouting at Cu’s words, no way. Maybe frowning a little but that’s it. The rest is the fault of how bad he feels. It’s also why he just gets in the car without saying anything, sagging in the chair when he’s finally seated. 

He closes his eyes, the sun too bright, only to be shaken awake by Cu after what feels like less than a minute. “What?”

Cu grins at him, patting his cheek. “We’re here, sleeping beauty.”

Shirou blinks, rubbing his eyes. He can’t believe he fell asleep like that, shame burning hot through his chest. How embarrassing. 

He feels slightly less embarrassed when he sees they’re parked in front of Denny’s. The chain isn’t exactly high class back home, but it’s good enough. He’s only been in the United States for two weeks and he’s already heard horror stories and seen memes of how bad it is here, however. 

He trails after Cu, who looks perfectly happy as they walk in. It’s not too busy, half the tables full and filling the place with a white noise that makes Shirou’s headache return. 

They’re seated quickly, Shirou looking around for anything that could explain its reputation. A severed limb, maybe. Instead the diner is plain, plastic booths and cheap vinyl tables looking every bit American as you’d expect. 

They’re seated at one of said booths, the hostess looking utterly bored despite the smile plastered on her face, walking away after handing them menus.

A server comes up not even a minute later, getting their drink orders and dropping them off. 

“And to eat?” The question is said with more enthusiasm than Shirou can handle in his current state, staring hard at the menu.

“I’ll have the pancakes with over easy eggs, country fried steak and hash browns, and also the waffles.” He turns to Shirou. “What do you want?”

Shirou and the server are both in shock. “An- eggs. Scrambled eggs. Please.”

She leaves with a nod and it’s too quiet without her. “Are you really going to eat all that?”

Cu shrugs his shoulders. “I skipped dinner because of the party. And breakfast.”

“Oh.”

They don’t talk, Shirou shyly sipping at his water. “So, um, what happened.”

Cu shifts in his seat, looking anywhere but him. “Promise you won’t get mad?”

Shirou blinks. That’s never a good question to be asked. “Okay?”

Cu rubs the back of his neck with a hand, eventually dropping it back on the table. “We both got a little more drunk than I planned and uh... slept with each other.”

Shirou doesn’t react, brain running a thousand miles a minute as the soreness in his hips is brought in to sudden clarity. He drops his face in his hands, letting out a muffled scream.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” Shirou looks up at Cu between his fingers, face red. Cu looks like he’s at a loss, reaching for Shirou and then dropping his hand. “I didn’t- mean too.”

Cu trails off lamely, pointedly staring at the wall after he stops talking.

Shirou is a mess of emotions. He should have known better, really. He refused to admit it himself but Cu is attractive, so of course drunk Shirou jumped at the chance. Worse, Cu probably only used him as a rebound or like... comfort. Great. And he can’t even remember what happened past the haziest of memories. He’s not sure if that’s good or bad. 

The worst part is he can’t even be mad, they were both drunk. It’s not as though-

“Are you okay? You haven’t said anything in like five minutes.” Cu looks worried, like he expects Shirou to scream at him. Shirou finally looks up at Cu, lifting his head from his hands and sinking into the booth at the same time.

“I’m- I’m fine. Sorry. I didn’t expect... that.” Shirou knows his face is still red, staring at the table like it holds the keys to all his problems. “It’s not like it was on purpose.”

Cu sags in his seat. “Still. I’m sorry.”

Shirou smiles at him, too deep in panic to feel it properly. His mind is still running at top speed, feeling like static and body running on autopilot. “It was an accident.”

Shirou can feel sweat drip down his spine, whatever Cu is about to say cut off by the server setting down their orders. Well, Shirou’s and two of Cu’s. “I’ll be right back with the rest of your food.”

They both nod, picking at the food in silence. Shirou looks up from his eggs, staring as Cu absolutely demolishes his meals. He’s surprisingly neat about it, wasting no food. It’s impressive. And distracting.

Cu eats two plates in the time it takes Shirou to eat half of his, starting on the third plate- when did that get there?

It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion, Shirou distractedly moving food on his plate as he stares. He doesn’t mean too, his eyes are just attracted to the movement. He watches as Cu licks syrup off his lip, blushing hard and jerking his eyes down to stare at the eggs. If he focuses he can just barely remember how Cu’s lips felt. 

Shirou turns his attention back to the food, forcing himself to ignore the other and his thoughts. Everything about this sucks.

Shirou looks up when he hears a plate scrape across the table. All the food is gone, Cu looking too pleased with himself as he pats his stomach. “That was so good. Nothing beats lots of cheap food.”

Shirou laughs, drawn into Cu’s mood. The bill comes and it settles again. He doesn’t have a chance even think to pay before Cu plucks it off the table, taking out his wallet and placing a card on top.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Cu pauses, blinking at Shirou. He’s not sure if Cu is more surprised by the question or just the fact that Shirou actually said something.

“You mean last night?” Shirou only nods, embarrassment welling up again.

It’s Cu’s turn to looks awkward, which is satisfying at least. “Man, uh, it doesn’t? I mean I’ve had one night stands before.”

He leans forward across the table suddenly, grinning. It’s different than the usual one, eyes half lidded and his smile sharp. “Wouldn’t mind doing it another time, though, when we’re both sober.”

Shirou feels trapped, unable to pull away from Cu’s gaze. All he can see is red, mouth opening and closing as he tries to find something to say. Cu’s fingers curl in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging just enough to get him to tilt his head back.

The hand slides down the side of his neck, settling on his shoulder and squeezing. “If you want.”

Cu lets go just as quickly, turning to smile at the server who’s come to pick up his card. It’s his normal smile now, easy going and bright. It’s like a switch was flipped.

“Uh...”

Cu looks back at him from the corner of his eye, winking. 

Shirou sputters, face turning bright red. “Oh my god.”

“That’s not a no.” Cu sounds too pleased, placing his elbow on the table.

“Shut up.” The response makes Cu laugh, and Shirou feels somehow like he’s acting exactly the way Cu wants him to. Like he’s losing a battle he didn’t know he was in.

It’s uneventful after that, Shirou just letting himself be led by Cu and soon enough he finds himself in his dorm room, Cu lounging on his bed like he owns the place. Shirou’s roommate side eyes the two of them, giving a quick greeting before turning back to his computer and acting like they’re not there. 

It’s easy, too easy, to get caught in Cu’s pace. He’s like the ocean, so smooth on the surface and pulling Shirou down under with the current. He’s drowning in it, unable to come up for air and worst of all it’s comfortable. Easy to get lost on the current.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have half of the next chapter written.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m struggling because I want to get to the murder but writing dumb uni stuff is just really fun. 
> 
> Since it comes up: intermurals are sports clubs that stay within the campus. College culture is not knowing what the word means and being too afraid to ask.

Cu slides into his daily life just like that. Shirou doesn’t mean for it to happen, it just does. Suddenly Cu is there in every spare moment Shirou honestly can’t imagine what it would be like without him. He gets used to waking up with Cu, the other giving less and less excuses to stay until he drops them completely. 

It takes two more weeks after the start of classes for him to actually hold a conversation with someone outside of class that isn’t Cu. Even then, it’s not like he kept up his side of the conversation. 

He’s almost grateful for getting a group project as an excuse to talk to people. Group projects almost always sucked, more-so when it was for a class no one cared about, since one person (usually Shirou) would get stuck doing all the work. So when the professor announced one even Shirou found himself groaning. A paper on morality, to be done in groups of three. It was even worse because the professor made the groups already. Great.

Shirou looks up when he hears his name, the teach pointing him to a spot in the room where two others are already sitting. He moves towards his other two apparent group mates, deflating a little further when he sees who they are. He doesn’t have anything against Rin or Shinji personally but... well. 

They’re already arguing when he gets to them. He’s almost impressed. It only took fifteen seconds. Shinji is screaming while Rin hisses out threats. Shinji looks like he’s about to combust, sitting in his seat and glaring up at Rin who’s looming over him. 

Shirou tries to smile, waving to get their attention and regretting it when they turn their stares to him. He feels like a cornered rat. “Hi, I’m your third group mate.”

Rin huffs, crossing her arms and looking down on both of them somehow despite being shorter than Shirou. Shinji follows suit, scoffing as crosses his arms. “So what were you two talking about?”

Rin turns to look at him properly with that, face softening when she realizes that Shirou isn’t going to start fighting too. He briefly wonders if she and Shinji know each other in their daily life. It’s either that or he managed to traumatize her in less than a minute. 

“We’re debating what to do the paper on.” She sets down a sheet with the requirements, tapping it impatiently. Her nail clicks against the prompt. **Morality in a societal setting.**

Shirou remembers something Cu said a few days ago after they saw a movie. “Maybe we could do one on relative morality?”

Shinji sits, frowning at him. “I think mine is better.”

Rin’s gaze snaps to him. “Shut up. No one wants to write about why turning down a guy when they ask you out is morally wrong.” She turns back to Shirou. “That’s closer to what I was thinking actually. Do you have any specific ideas?”

Shirou shrugs nervously. He didn’t really agree with Cu when they talked about. “Um, I was thinking of how killing is bad but then here in the military people kill and then it’s... justified?”

It’s not phrased how he wanted, Shirou wishing he could remember exactly how that conversation with Cu went down. It was more convincing come from the other, Shirou frowning as he fails to recal how he said it. Rin looks thoughtful, nodding her head like Shirou is actually right. 

Shinji frowns. “So, what? All murder is okay because killing bad guys is?”

Shirou shakes his head. He asked the same thing, bothered by the fact that apparently he and Shinji think the same. Partly. “Of course not! It’s never okay! I was just thinking of how sometimes people accept it.”

Rin nods, almost looking excited. She writes down their topic on the sheet of paper, smiling happily to herself. “That should be easy enough.”

Shinji reluctantly agrees, and they spend the rest of the class talking about the subject. Or they mean to, instead getting distracted after ten minutes. The conversation details into sports, Rin more knowledgeable on the topic than the other two. 

Shinji somehow turns it into a contest, insisting archery is the best which prompts Rin to make an actual list of the best sports. They argue for the rest of the class, Rin going so far as to write it down and weight each with pros and cons. Shirou sits there and mostly listens, weighing in occasionally.

Shinji leaves when the professor dismisses everyone for the day, grumbling because archery placed seventh on Rin’s list. 

Rin turns to Shirou, smiling slyly. “I probably could have placed it higher, but he is so annoying sometimes.”

Shirou laughs, shaking his head. “I promise I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.” Rin puts the papers on the desk away. “Oh, also, I wanted to ask if you played any sports? I was looking for someone to sigh up for intramurals with and so far no one wants to.”

Shirou shakes his head. “Sorry. I did conditioning mostly. Though now I stopped because of classes.”

There’s a sparkle in Rin’s eye. “You should join an intramural with me!” 

Shirou is suddenly very aware he’s not going to be able to say no. They both stand, Rin pulling out her phone before they start walking. “Let’s go now. Do you have any classes after?”

“I have one in a few hours, b-“

“Great!” She doesn’t look up from her phone as she talks. “Give me your number and your email so I can text you for the project. I’ll make a group chat.”

Shirou knows when to give in, nodding as he recites his number for her. “There we go. I’ll make the group text a little later, if that’s okay.”

“That’s fine.” They walk out, Rin leading them through the crowds and towards the campus gym, excited as she asks Shirou about different activities and what he thinks he’d be interested in.

She’s in the middle of telling him her own daily workout routine when she’s cut off.

“Yo, Shirou.” An arm wraps around his shoulders, Cu’s face popping in between them and blocking Rin from view.

“Oh, hi!” He smiles at Cu, relaxing into the hold. 

Rin looks unbothered, just moving to the other side of Shirou, unblocked by Cu’s back. She watches them for a little, head tilted to the side. “Nice to meet you. I’m Rin.”

Shirou blushes because oh yeah introductions. He starts to move out from under Cu’s arm only for Cu to hold him there. Another losing battle. He’s surrounded by too many pushy people. “This is Cu.”

Cu gives her a once over, expression cool. “And here I thought something happened to you because you didn’t meet me at the rec center after class.”

Rin speaks firsr, smiling brightly. “That was my fault. I’m dragging him with me to sign up for an intramural club.”

Cu looks surprised, staring down at Shirou. “Yeah? I’ll go with you guys.”

Cu eases into the conversation, picking up where Shirou and Rin left off. He doesn’t play any sports, but does do a lot of martial arts. Rin and him launch into a discussion of different fighting styles, Shirou completely lost. 

It’s a comfortable walk, Cu’s arm moving from Shirou’s shoulder to his waist to make it easier to move. He adds input where he can, quiet for the most part. 

“So how long have you two been going out?” 

The question catches Shirou off guard. He sputters, face flushing and something along the lines of “we’re not dating” making its way out of his mouth. 

Cu laughs, squeezing Shirou to his chest and looking at Rin over his head. “We’re just married.”

Rin laughs as well, looking skeptical of the statement. She and Cu are obviously enjoying how flustered Shirou is. Sadists.

“Sorry I missed the wedding. Should I still give a gift?” Rin’s voice is light, teasing. 

“Aw, Rin, just you finding a way to make Shirou exercise is good enough.” The next five minutes are hell, Shirou’s only solace that after a certain point is that it’s impossible to turn redder. They eventually drop the teasing, moving back to the topic of what to sign up for. Shirou’s just glad they’ve stopped, cautiously joining the conversation after it seems they’re completely dropped the previous one.

One hour later the three of them are signed up for soccer, Cu and Shirou having signed up for flag football as well. Rin, meanwhile, joined enough groups that even Cu looked impressed. She shrugs when she sees their expressions. “I’m used to keeping busy. And I like to keep moving.”

Cu whistles, eyebrow raised. “Good luck keeping that up.”

Rin just smiles in return. “You too.”

“Oh I’m fine. I’m pretty active myself.”

It’s Shirou’s turn to scoff. “Every time you stay the night I’m the one who wakes up first.”

“Listen, it’s not my fault your bed is super comfy.”

Rin blinks at them. “Are- are you sure you’re not dating? Like are you really sure?”

“Yes.” They respond at the same time, Shirou’s tone sounds firm while Cu’s can only be described as mournful.

She laughs, patting Cu’s shoulder sympathetically. The three of them talk for a little longer, Rin eventually excusing herself for another class. They watch as she leaves, Cu looking thoughtful.

“She’s pretty cute.” The comment is said offhandedly, like Cu didn’t think about it. Shirou turns to him, unwilling to name the ugly feeling bubbling up in his chest.

“Yeah. Rin is nice.” Something in his tone must give him away, because Cu pulls him in for a one-armed hug.

“Aw don’t worry, you’re way cuter.” It’s said teasingly, but Cu’s face is right up against his and it’s enough to make Shirou dizzy. 

Something else curls in his chest, another feeling he’s used to ignoring, and Shirou squirms in an attempt to escape Cu’s hold. “I’m not cute!” 

Cu smirks, holding Shirou tighter so he can’t get away. “I think you’re cute.”

It goes on for a few more minutes, only ending when Shirou accepts that he’s cute. Or at least that he’s cute to Cu. He glares up at Cu when he’s released, sticking his tongue out. Adorable. 

It’s late enough by now that Shirou is able to head over to his next class, Cu deciding to sit in because “I can’t be bothered to wait at the campus Starbucks for an hour.”

It’s uneventful, the only interesting thing being Shirou hitting Cu after getting a seventh text from the other. By the end of the hour Cu looks like he’s about to vibrate out of his skin. Shirou turns to Cu, about to ask what his deal is when he’s cut off.

“Let’s go to the gym?”

“What?”

“Yeah! It’s good for you and since we’re gonna be moving more it’ll help!” He looks so excited at the idea. Shirou does the mental math, realizing if he says yes between that and the sports he’s going to have about ten hours less a week outside of classes. He shouldn’t. 

“Okay.” 

Cu looks pleased as punch, practically leaping out of his seat and dragging Shirou to his dorm room. He makes Shirou change into shorts and a short sleeve shirt before dragging him off to the gym. 

Agreeing to it was a mistake. 

The first thing they do it bench press, Shirou standing at the ready in case Cu needs help. It’s not like spotting Cu actually provides any safety. He watched as Cu loaded the bar with plates, eyes getting wider and wider as the weight climbed. He does the mental math in his head, not able to believe it adds up to 350lb. Cu makes it look easy, muscles flexing as he lifts the bar and doing a rep of ten like it’s nothing. When he sets it back in place he looks up at Shirou, smirking.

“Trying to catch flies?” Shirou didn’t realize his mouth was open, snapping it shut as Cu gets up and takes most of the plates off. “Alright your turn.”

It’s hard, Shirou struggling by the end of the set. Cu grins when Shirou sits up, patting his shoulder. It goes much the same the entire time, and Shirou gets the distinct impression that Cu is showing off. It’s not like he’s going to complain, though.

After about an hour Cu declares they’re done for the day. Shirou doesn’t even realize how tired he is until he tries to walk down a few steps and almost falls. He catches himself in time, knuckles white as he clenches his hand on the railing. 

Cu looks entirely unphased, the only difference a light sheen of sweat on his skin. Shirou meanwhile looks like he’s about to fall over. 

The rest of the afternoon flies by, Shirou too out of it too fully focus. When he wakes up the next morning and he can barely move, arms dead weights and he groans when Cu drags him up, helping him get ready for that horrible eight am bio lecture. “It gets better, don’t worry.”

Shirou grumbles, struggling to put a proper shirt on when he can’t even lift his arms more than a few inches. It takes an embarrassingly long time. He hopes Cu is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I didn’t forget about this, the holidays and work has just been kicking my ass. Also I didn’t like this chapter and put off editing it for about a week, too. Oops.

At least Cu wasn’t lying about the soreness. After each workout it lasted less and less until Shirou hardly feels it anymore. He gets used to it, not even thinking about what working out regularly tends to do to a person until Rin points it out. 

“You filled out, a lot.” They’re working on the group project, Rin breaking the quiet that had settled between them. She’s staring at him, a smug grin settling across her features. Shinji looks up at Shirou, eyebrows raising when he realizes that Rin is right.

“Not really.” Shirou shrugs, self conscious suddenly. His shirts have gotten tighter, sure, but he didn’t think there was enough of a change to comment on. 

Rin shakes her head, scoffing. “Yes really. Your clothes were totally baggy before. Whatever Cu is making you do is working.”

“I guess. Not like I can keep up with him thought.” Shirou laughs self deprecatingly, tugging at his sleeve as he looks down at himself. Maybe he did bulk up a little. 

“Yeah, but Cu is a monster so comparing a normal human to him isn’t fair.”

“He’s totally normal!” Rin laughs at him, at how quickly he jumps up to defend Cu. He fights off a blush, staring down at his paper as she laughs. 

After a bit she quiets down and stares at him oddly. “So, you still in denial about having crush on him?”

“I don’t have a crush!” 

“Yes you do. I barely talk to you and even I see you’re head over heels for that guy.” It’s Shinji who pipes up, shocking both Rin and Shirou. They turn to him in surprise, not expecting him of all people to comment on someone else’s life. “What? As if it wasn’t obvious he’s pining for the blue bastard. I can’t see why though.”

Rin laughs again and Shirou buries his face in his arm, groaning. 

“Seriously. You both have it so bad.” Rin grins, leaning forward. “I thought he was going to bite my head off when I first saw him.”

Shirou tilts his head, peeking up over his arm with one eye. “What? Really?”

Rin nods. “You didn’t notice how he totally brushed me off?”

“Uh, not really. I was distracted by him...”

Rin stares at him before bursting into giggles. “You’re so hopeless. You’d both probably keep playing the worlds most unnecessary game of gay chicken if I didn’t tell you.”

Shirou presses his lips into a thin line. He can’t even argue this, he knows she’s right. It doesn’t mean he’s happy about it.

“As much as I love talking about how Shirou wants to be rawed by his not boyfriend, can we actually work on this thing?” Shinji looks bored out of his mind, tapping his pencil on the notebook sitting in front of him impatiently.

They both apologize (well, Shirou does while Rin just shrugs), turning their focus back to morals and murder.

“Hey. Do you think we should mention what happened to the girl?” Rin is subdued as she speaks. “Because our topic became how it’s all relative and well... she’s dead and we’re fine.”

For the first time in over a month Shirou thinks about what happened in the alley. It feels like it’s been much longer than that, the memory coming into focus in an instant and Shirou doesn’t understand how it’s been so long. He thinks back on all the time with Cu and he can’t remember it getting brought once after the party.

It’s worse because Rin is right. Everyone is fine, and it’s like she never existed. Except her family still must be grieving the loss. And here Shirou is talking about a crush. 

Shirou frowns, staring at the paper in front of him. It’s weird how broken up Cu seemed about it, only to drop it less than a week later. Shirou almost feels like he can’t judge, but they were supposed to be close. Dating. It’s feels wrong, and even if they weren’t that close there should have been something more than two days of sadness. Maybe Cu just pushed it all down?

Shirou sighs, chewing his bottom lip as he tries to focus in on what Rin and Shinji are saying. He can’t, mind instead drawn back to the alley. It’s funny how after not thinking of it for so long he can’t focus on anything but the image in his mind.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by Rin. She’s snaps her fingers in his face, frowning at him. “Hey, listen to me. We need to break up the presentation.”

Shinji snickers, feigning innocence when Shirou turns to glare him. 

“Since it was your idea, you’ll do the introduction.” Rin looks down at the paper and back up at Shirou, eyebrow raised like she’s daring him to argue.

Shinji smirks at that, laughing. “I can’t wait to watch everyone’s face as you tell them they’re all actually okay with murderers killing their family!”

It’s obvious that Shinji is egging him on. Shirou has no clue what he’s done to offended Shinji, the other having it out for him since day one. 

“You know that’s not it.”

Rin scoffs, narrowing her eyes slightly to look at Shinji. “I know you don’t pay attention, but you don’t have to play dumb. It isn’t cute.”

Shirou tunes out the bickering, Rin and Shinji getting far too invested in the argument to focus on him. Just when it looks like it’s about to get violent, the professor calls for everyone’s attention before dismissing the class.

Thank god. Shirou shakes his head, watching the now toned down argument between the two of them.

“I’m just saying that my idea was a good one!” Shinji shoves his notebook into his back, ignoring how the paper crumbles as he glares up at Rin. 

Rin, meanwhile has her books in one arm, throwing a pony tail over her shoulder with a turn of her head. “You wouldn’t know a good idea if it punched you in the face.”

Shinji doesn’t seem to know how to respond, which is fair. Even Shirou was thrown off by that comeback. It works in stunning Shinji into silence, Rin smiling sweetly before turning towards Shirou, angling her back at Shinji. Argument over, victory achieved.

“So I thought it would be a good idea if we don’t get too preachy.” She sits on the edge of the table, apparently making up for time lost arguing now. “Because hey, everyone agrees death is bad but since we’re trying to convince people that sometimes it just doesn’t matter to them...”

Shirou nods, finishing putting his own things away. “I’ll try not to start off by saying that their feelings are wrong in that case.”

The words leave a sour taste in his mouth. Rin looks pleased, looking down at a paper in her arm before back up at him. “Great. I’ll work on actually figuring out what I’ll say for the psychology part. Like guilt when it’s self defense versus people who’ve done it just because. Or something.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure to work on my part too.” He smiles wanly, standing and waving bye to both his group mates.

Shirou sighs as he walks to the door. He feels like it takes a special kind of fucked up to talk about death like this. To say that sometimes it’s doesn’t matter. Or that at least to people it doesn’t matter.

That dying alone in an alley is less important because no one is going to miss you. Shirou shakes his head, chasing away the memory and opening the door to the classroom. He hates the fact that it makes sense. Cu doesn’t seem to miss her, at least, acting like he’s completely fine. He doesn’t either, if her were being honest with himself, only dragged down by the weight of his own ineptitude. 

Shirou is unsurprised to meet Cu outside of the classroom. It’s habit, at this point. 

He smiles in greeting, lifting his hand in a half wave. Cu is still for a moment before tugging him into a side hug, keeping Shirou pressed to his side as they walk off.

“You good?” It shouldn’t surprise Shirou that Cu can tell something is bothering him. Cu can read him easily, enough that Shirou doesn’t even bother trying to pretend. It’ll just piss hin off.

“I was thinking about something I wanted to ask you.” 

“Ah.” 

The rest of the walk is left in silence, Shirou struggling to add anything when everything he wants to ask needs to be done in private. He glances up at Cu, startling when he sees red eyes staring down at him.

Cu grins after a beat, smile reaching his eyes and not looking away. The force of it is enough to make Shirou face forward again, too intense to meet. Cu laughs softly, the heavy silence being broken just like that.

It’s still quiet between them, but the air is no longer as heavy with unspoken words. Shirou can almost pretend it’s a normal day, only the nerves running through his skin like a current betraying the illusion.

He waits until the door to his dorm room is closed, Cu pulling away from him to sit on his bed once they’re in. Shirou shivers at the loss of heat, setting his bag down at the foot of the bed before joining Cu.

“So... what’s up?” Cu sounds so carefree, head titled slightly to the side when he questions Shirou. 

Shirou looks at his hands folded in his lap, eventually turning to face Cu. It’s hard, not because he’s afraid of hurting Cu, but what it means if asking doesn’t hurt. 

“Your girlfriend, what was she like?” He’s facing Cu now, staring up at the other. Cu looks blindsided by the question, expression turned into one of sadness almost quicker than Shirou can catch it. 

“What brought this on?” Cu stares at him, sad expression unmoving on his face. 

Shirou shrugs, looking to the other side of the room towards his roommates bed. He’s grateful for how often the other isn’t there. “Just curious. You don’t really talk about her at all.”

“Oh. I guess I don’t.” Cu speaks quietly, watching Shirou. “You helped me keep my mind off her and I guess after a little I stopped thinking of her at all.”

Shirou supposes that’s fair. He doesn’t have a metric for grief, and knows it’s something everyone handles differently. He handled his own very differently. “What about-“

“You really picked a bad day for this, I gotta admit.” Cu lets out a sigh, closing his eyes as he rolls his head back before looking at Shirou again.

“What? Why?” Shirou blinks, eyebrows furrowing. Cu still looks sad despite a smile curling up the edges of his mouth.

He turns to face Shirou, straightening before putting an arm on the bed and leaning on it. “I was going to ask you something too, but I think that this might not be the right time. At least, not after talking about... well, you know.”

Shirou instantly feels guilty, like bringing the girl up was wrong. Like it’s his fault for ruining the mood. It was stupid, to assume Cu didn’t feel anything over her death. Of course Cu did, he cried in class the first day, and now here was Shirou dragging it up when Cu was so clearly trying to move past it. 

He’s too busy beating himself to notice the other moving closer, finally brought out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. Shirou looks up at Cu, jolting when he realizes just how close he is.

“It’s alright. I’ll ask another time.” 

Shirou shakes his head, looking down again. “You can now, it’s fine.”

This time it’s a hand on his chin that makes him look at Cu, the other less than an inch from his face. “Glad to hear it.”

Cu closes the last bit of space, kissing Shirou softly. It’s sweet, the warmth from Cu’s lips setting butterflies off in Shirou’s stomach. He’s quick to forget the previous conversation, unable to focus on anything that isn’t Cu’s mouth on his.

And then Cu pulls away and Shirou is left staring at him with wide eyes. “Uhm.”

Cu’s eyes are bright, scanning Shirou’s face and apparently satisfied with what he finds. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me.”

The question isn’t a surprise, not in the traditional sense. 

He just didn’t expect Cu to actually ever breech the subject. He knows he wouldn’t have. It’s almost too perfect that this happens after he admitted his feelings on the subject to Rin. 

“You’re kind of leaving me hanging, Shirou.” Cu looks nervous, eyes scanning shirou as he bites his bottom lip. 

Shirou manages to collect himself enough to form works, nodding as he finally replies. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My two friends who I had sorta beta this: youre a bad person for not making them fuck
> 
> Me: ¯\\_(>:3)_/¯


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I GOT A NEW JOB THATS BEEN ABSOLUTELY DESTROYING ME.
> 
> /thirteen hour days/

“A theory proposed by Thomas Hobbes says that if there aren’t laws controlling people, then they would devolve into chaos and cruelty. Everyone would be so consumed by selfishness that the world would devolve into chaos. The opposing theory from John Locke is people are inherently good, and without law will still be kind to each other in the interest of preserving society.”

Shirou tenses his legs, trying to keep from trembling. He knows the presentation he’s giving is going to go well, and the kids in the class aren’t mean, but speaking in front of everyone is still nerve wracking. Rin and Shinji stand on either side of him, watching as he carries on with the introduction.

Behind him there’s a PowerPoint, Shinji moving along to the next slide in time with Shirou’s words. 

“Both agree that the order is maintained by a social contract, or that to be a member society you need to fit within certain standards, or universal morals dictated by the majority. In most cases, these are don’t lie, cheat, steal, or kill. The problem with both is where you draw the line between good and bad.” At least he doesn’t have a midterm for the class, just the presentation. 

“In some groups, ritual sacrifice can be used to try and win favor of the gods or bring luck. In others, warriors who are killed in battle or mothers who die in childbirth are considered heroes. Even in within the laws of society, exceptions are made, and this is shown throughout history. Say there are no laws, and a man tries to steal food for his family. He sneaks into the house of people that have more than they need to survive, but gets caught. They fight, and in the end he’s killed.”

From the corner of his eye he can see Rin smiling. It seems like he’s doing a good job. “So who’s right? The people who killed him or the man who broke in? To the man and his family, he was right. To the people, they were right. Killing for self defense is still killing, but within the current framework of law it’s an exception from the rules. It’s morally grey, something justifiable.”

Shirou feels steady now, slowly having gained traction with each word. It’s too easy, Shirou feels like he’s cheating by repeating things Cu has told him before. It’s effective too. “If someone was threatening you, or your family, you would probably react with violence. Even if their reasons are noble. You can’t apply a universal moral law to it, as much as you want to.”

Rin steps up slightly, nodding to him. “And that’s why you’re okay with murder.”

She says it like a cold fact, true and irrefutable. Shirou tunes out as she gets into her segment. It’s longer, much longer, and he wonders if he did a good enough job. He hopes so.

The presentation feels so much longer now that he’s standing in the front of the room, Shirou’s eyes wandering from face to face. It’s intimidating, more than twenty sets of eyes in a dark room devoid of color, staring him down. 

Rin wraps her section up, prompting Shinji to start. Shirou actually listens now, if only because Shinji somehow manages to insult the audience multiple times, as well as Rin, Shirou, and humanity as a whole. It’s actually pretty impressive, even for him.

Finally it’s over, Shinji wrapping up and the professor telling the class they have two minutes for questions. The questions quickly devolve into moral debates between the students. It’s hard to separate themselves from the topic, and the class is understandably quick to argue against something so inflammatory.

Eventually the professor reigns it in, having the three of them sit down and the next (and last) group stand up.

“You’re morally obligated to legalize prostitution, even if you’re morally against it.” Shirou impressed. The guy speaking seems like he’s trying even harder to pick a fight with the class than Rin. He’s thin, too pale even in the light of the projector, dark hair slicked back. He looks intimidating, small as he is. 

Shirou’s impressed, the guy makes it almost impossible to argue against him. It would be hard for anyone to admit they don’t want other humans to be safer, even if they don’t agree with the job. Well, for anyone with even a shred of conscience at least.

Shirou slowly checks out as the guy gives his speech, the group presentation slowly turning into a monologue as he keeps talking. The other group mates look resigned, one even picking at her nails as he continues. 

Eventually he finishes up, stepping back with a self assured flourish. The next person moves forward to present. It’s much shorter, almost like an apology for the first, the others flying through their parts and soon enough the class is done. The professor turns the lights on, turning to everyone and dismissing them.

“Good job!” Shirou turns to see Rin beaming, grinning back at her as he stands. “That went pretty well.”

“That was awful.” He shoulders his backpack, laughing when she wraps an arm around him, too small to reach around his shoulders properly. Rin frowns, eventually repositioning her arm so she’s hanging off the shoulder closer to her.

He’s lucky he’s gotten used to close contact, between her and Cu he doesn’t have an single inch of personal space. “It went better than I thought it would.”

“Yes, well, I imagine you set the bar so low it was on the ground.” Shinji looks at the two of them, eyes dark as he spits the words out. “Congratulations on stepping over it.”

He’s more nasty than usual, frown cutting deep lines into his face. Shirou and Rin both blink, used to his moods but still caught off guard.

“Careful now, wouldn’t wanna say something you regret.” The voice comes from behind Shirou. He turns, smiling up at Cu, used to him sneaking into the classroom.

Shinji’s voice is shrill. “Are you threatening me? Don’t you know who I am?”

A few people look over, the black haired guy being one of them.

Cu blinks slowly, looking mildly impressed. It’s a pretty big difference from the first week when Cu forced Shinji out of his seat just by glaring. “Annoying?”

“I will kill you!” That makes Cu laugh, slapping a hand hard on Shirou’s free shoulder and making him stumble a little. It stings. They’re starting to make a scene, Shirou and Rin smiling apologetically at the professor. 

“Alright, alright, I’m so sorry.” Shirou can hear the smile in his voice, a small laugh escaping his own mouth at the noise Shinji makes.

Cu pulls Shirou in against his chest, effectively stealing him from Rin. It’s warm, Cu radiating heat through the thin T-shirt he has on. Rin pouts, Shirou missing how Cu sticks his tongue out at her.

“Still with the pathetic game of gay chicken I see.” Shinji looks smug now, vibrating with barely contained anger. “Too bad both of you are too make a move.”

Shirou belatedly realizes he never told Rin (and therefore Shinji) what happened, opening his mouth to speak. Before he can he’s cut off, Cu’s voice cold like steel.

“Knock it off, kid.” Shirou watches as Shinji flinches.

 

Shinji doesn’t say anything else, only grabbing his stuff and storming out of the room, leaving everyone left in the room to stare after him as goes.

“...Okay.” Rin is first to break the silence, smiling wryly at the two of them. “I’ll, um, see you later. I have to meet with some friends.”

“Okay. See you?” Shirou offers a wave, Cu nodding in place of speaking and reaching for Shirou’s bag.

He lets go once she’s gone, jerking his head towards the door. “Let’s go.”

Shirou nods, not complaining when Cu decides it’s his duty to carry the bag all the way to the dorm room.

The walk tense, Cu’s replies short and clipped. Shirou only lasts ten minutes before breaking. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Cu says it casually, voice suddenly lighter. It’s like a switch was flipped. Shirou looks up at him, ready to argue, only to be distracted by the grin Cu gives him. “So how’d your first presentation go?”

Shirou blanks, brain taking a moment to process the change. “Uhh, good. It went good actually.”

Cu’s smile gets wider. “In that case I have something for you when we get to your room.”

Shirou wonders what it could be.

“Well, only if your roommate isn’t there.”

He can take an educated guess.

The rest of the walk goes a lot faster, Cu seemingly out of whatever funk he was in. Shirou also might be hurrying a little bit, ignoring the knowing grin Cu shoots him once or twice.

It’s really annoying, having to unlock two doors before they’re finally in his room.

At least his roommate isn’t there. Awesome.

He turns, watching as Cu walks over to his desk and grabs a pen, opening the drawers until he finds a piece of paper. He writes something, leaving it to find tape before sticking it to the door to the room. _Knock dude._

Oh.

He turns bright red. “Take that down!”

“You rather have your roommate walk in without warning? Kinky. I didn’t know you were into that.”

“N-no. It’s just-“ he can’t really come up with a good argument, groaning in frustration and dropping down on the bed with a thump.

Cu walks over, grinning as he finally sets down Shirou’s bag. Cu looks over Shirou, hand going to each of his knees and spreading his legs open. Shirou instinctively tries to close his legs, resigning himself when Cu’s arms don’t even budge. So much for getting stronger.

It’s quiet, Cu’s smile not moving as he gets on his knees. He undoes the button on Shirou’s pants with one hand, the other moving from Shirou’s knee to his thigh. He sits back on his heels, leaning closer to pull the zipper down with his teeth, smirking.

Shirou can’t act like he doesn’t know exactly what Cu intends to do. It’s embarrassing, so embarrassing. It’s the first thing they’ve done aside from a few chaste kisses since the party. God. He doesn’t even remember what happened at the party. 

Shirou feels like he’s burning up, throat dry as he swallows. His tongue is sticking to the roof of his mouth, filled with cotton. Cu stares up at him, licking up along the exposed skin and to his belly button, making Shirou shiver. “Congrats on your first project.”

He tugs the pants down just enough to get Shirou’s dick out, sucking on the tip and slowly working it to full hardness, pumping the rest of it with his hand. 

Shirou is panting, staring down at Cu. His fingers dig into the comforter on top of the bed. It’s so different than using his hand, not able to expect the touches or the pressure or the way Cu squeezes just right so as to make Shirou arch.

Cu takes the head of his cock fully in his mouth, sucking hard. Shirou’s hand flies to his mouth, muffling a loud moan. He still can’t seem to break eye contact with Cu, eyes pinning him in place as Cu takes him all the way down to the base.

Cu’s face is red, flushing spreading across his cheeks. Shirou can feel Cu swallow around his dick, groaning. His arms wrap around Shirou’s thighs, head bobbing.

It’s filthy, the room quiet aside from Shirou’s labored breathing and the wet noise of Shirou’s cock fucking in and out of Cu’s mouth. Cu is tearing up, eyes puffy and suddenly Shirou is struck with guilt. It can’t be comfortable for him.

He reaches down, fingers tangling in Cu’s hair and weakly tugging up, trying to tell him to get off. It doesn’t really work, Cu’s eyelids fluttering as he moans. Somehow Shirou isn’t surprised. The vibration is distracting enough that Shirou fists his hand in Cu’s hair, pushing down on accident and ah. Fuck. Cu’s throat is tight, sending Shirou spiraling.

He feels so close, hips twitching. “I’m- I’m gonna-“

Cu doesn’t waste a second, sinking down to the base and hollowing his cheeks out. It’s too tight, too hot and Shirou can’t help it, cumming with a cry. Cu swallows around him, not wasting a drop.

He pulls up after a bit, licking up Shirou’s shaft as he does so. Shirou finally lets go of his hair, mumbling a breathless apology as he does so. It pulls a low laugh from Cu, the sound rough. Cu moves slow, panting, ignoring the drool dripping down his chin in favor of climbing up to kiss Shirou.

He cups Shirou’s jaw, eyes sliding shut as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. Shirou is overwhelmed, heart racing and about to jump out his throat. He grabs Cu’s hand, looking to the side when Cu pauses in surprise.

“You’re cute. So worried about others.” It almost feels like he’s being admonished. Cu kisses the corn of his mouth, soft and sweet and so different than less than a minute ago. “Just worry about me instead. I’m your boyfriend, remember?”

Shirou nods, squeezing Cu’s hand again. Boyfriend. He doesn’t deserve someone so sweet.

Cu steps back, looking down pointedly between Shirou’s legs and oh right. His dick. That’s still... out. He hurriedly tries to fix it, zipping his pants up desperately and he can feel something in the zipper tear. Oops. 

Cu is laughing, leaning down to bury his nose in Shirou’s hair and kiss his head. “Very cute.”

Shirou feels drained, breathing slowly coming down. He looks down, seeing the bulge in Cu’s pants and oh. Yeah. “Let me return the favor?”

Cu shakes his head. “Next time. You have a class in a bit, remember?”

The fact that he still has classes today feels miserable. He steps back, starung up at Cu with soft eyes. “Right. I do.”

Cu snorts. “Glad I could distract you enough to forget.”

Shirou can feel his cheeks burn, scratching the back of his head. “Right.” 

That’s a lame reaction. “Are you gonna sit in like usual or?”

Cu shakes his head. “I have to take care of something with my friend Achilles. I’ll be back late tonight, though.”

Shirou frowns, oddly put out by that. He’s gotten used to Cu always being around. “Oh. Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

Cu grins. “Absolutely.”

Shirou shifts from foot to foot, suddenly nervous. He presses his lips together, staring determinedly up at Cu. He closes the space between them, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Cu on the cheek once before turning and going. He doesn’t give Cu a chance to react, instead smiling to himself as he leaves. 

He doesn’t think twice about leaving Cu behind in his room. It’s not like he has anything to hide, and he trusts Cu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At one point I was like “huh is Cu blowing Shirou in the middle of the day unrealistic?” and then I remembered that Wait. My roommate texted me like once a fucking week in the middle of the day not to come to the dorm room because it was sexy time.
> 
> Oh also next chapter should be up in like. Hmmm less than a week. It’s mostly done?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I’d have this by the end of the week and it’s still Sunday. Barely. But I made it.
> 
> Writing guilt is hard when your method of dealing with guilt is just ignoring it until it goes away but not really.

Shirou blames Cu for this. He should have seen it coming. He hasn’t been sleeping enough because of exams, and then Cu distracted him after the presentation. Now he has to suffer the consequences.

“Aren’t you going to say hello?”

Archer is standing in the middle of his dorm room, too big for the small space. Shirou’s hand comes off the door knob, letting the door close on its own as he stares at Archer. He opens and closes his mouth with all the grace of a fish out of water.

It’s not like he doesn’t ever see his brother. He just normally knows Archer is coming, either from a text or an ominous gathering of crows in the area right before his arrival. 

“How did you get in my room?” It’s probably not the best greeting, but all he can focus on is the fact that Archer is less than a foot from where his boyfriend (whom Archer supposedly hates) blew him not even two days ago.

 

Archer snorts. “I used the door.”

As if that wasn’t obvious. He opened the locked door. Of course. Shirou sets his bag down, unsure what to do with himself. He moves past the topic entirely, smiling slightly. “It’s good to see you.”

Archer softens, if only marginally. “And you look like shit.”

It makes Shirou laugh, rubbing his eyes as he sits on the edge of his desk. “Haven’t gotten enough sleep the last week and a half.”

Talking about sleep is enough for a yawn to force its way out of Shirou’s throat, jaw popping as he does so. 

“That much is obvious.” Dry as ever.

Shirou turns to look at Archer properly, eyebrow raised. “Did you get shorter.”

Archer blinks. “No. You’ve gotten... bigger.” He looks sour as he says it, like the words have a bad taste.

Shirou feels almost smug, standing and moving closer just to needle his brother. It’s true, he’s gotten taller. Slowly but surely Archer is towering over him less. He grins wide, trying and failing not to look too smug. It’s enough to distract him. “Thanks. I’ve been working out.”

Archer gives him a look. “I can see that.” He crosses and uncrosses his arms. “So how have you been? Make any new friends?”

Shirou is pretty sure he’s making the same face Archer is, lips pressed into a thin line and jaw tight. It’s incredible how poorly they get along with how alike they are. “You could have just asked over the phone.”

“I was worried. It’s your first time being away from everyone, and overseas.” Archer isn’t lying, that much Shirou can tell. It would make sense that he’s worried, especially since he was the one who pushed Kiritsugu into letting Shirou study abroad to “pop his bubble of naivety”. Still, it seems like too much.

“I’m doing great. Aside from not sleeping enough here and there.” Shirou can’t parse the look Archer is giving him, like he’s trying to dissect Shirou from the few words he’s said. “How have you been?”

“Busy with work. The usual.” Right. The usual. The work that Archer and Kiritsugu would discuss quietly when Shirou and Illya were already asleep. That usual work. 

Shirou learned more about Archer’s job in a few months with Cu than what he’d learned living with Archer for years. And that was just from the vague comments Cu would occasionally drop.

It was a toss up between body guards for hire and temps. He’d say mercenaries, but he can’t imagine Archer killing someone. Maybe giving them a verbal lashing, but that’s it. 

“You should take a break.” Shirou says it to fill the silence. He doesn’t expect Archer to follow the suggestion. If anything he’ll give Shirou some vague platitude and move on.

“Maybe.” There it is. “Since I’m here, I wanted to ask you about something.”

Shirou nods, sure that this is closer to the actual reason Archer came. 

Before Archer can even speak there’s a loud knock at the door, key turning in the lock.

Shirou freezes in place, suddenly filled with regret as he remembers the three days Cu spent getting him to letting Cu make a copy of his key. He broke the rules and now it comes back to bite him in the ass. 

It has to be Cu too, his roommate never coming back earlier than eleven at night. The sun isn’t even down yet.

The door opens fast, hitting the wall with a thud and rebounding to smack against Cu’s arm. He’s grinning, proudly holding up an overfull bag of take out. Shirou is pretty sure it’s about to rip on the bottom. “Hey Shirou, I brought lunch!”

Cu finally notices that Shirou isn’t alone, eyes landing on Archer and widening in surprise. “Oh. Hey. What’s up?”

Archer looks like he’s going into shock, eyes darting from Cu to Shirou and back. “What are you doing here?”

“Bringing Shirou Thai food?” Cu kicks the door closed, setting the takeout on Shirou’s desk and pulling the chair out. He sits on it backwards, arms resting on the back, staring up at them. “Why are you here? I assumed you were too busy saving the world or something dumb like that.”

Archer bristles. “Yes, well, I guess to someone like you working for the greater good is stupid.”

Shirou frowns, out of depth but also wanting to jump to Cu’s defense. Archer can’t just come here and insult his _boyfriend_ , even if they don’t get along. Even if agrees more with Archer. Cu beats him to it, laughing. “Man, you just don’t change.”

“And neither do you.” Archer crosses his arms, stepping closer. “Actually, Since you’re here, do you know about the body the police found?”

Cu blinks, seemingly caught off guard. He straightens a little, tilting his head to the side. “A body?”

Shirou stares at his brother in surprise, wondering how Archer of all people heard about this. Is that why he’s here?

“Yes. Yesterday morning. Young man, wavy hair. Heavily mutilated.” Archer’s eyes don’t leave Cu, practically burning holes into him. “The tongue was missing too, though if I had to guess I’d say it’s probably in the poor kid’s stomach.”

Shirou feels sick hearing it, stumbling until he’s sitting on the bed. His stomach rolls. Someone else died and he couldn’t stop it. He even forgot about it, instead focusing on something awful like how this sort of thing could be justifiable. It’s inexcusable.

He knows it’s the person who killed the girl in the alley.

It’s his fault.

Cu stands quickly, practically shoving Archer out of the way to get to Shirou, kneeling down in front of him. He grabs Shirou’s hands, holding them between his own. “Hey, focus on me. Deep breaths, c’mon. Just focus on my hands.”

Archer is quiet, staying silent the entire time Cu fusses over Shirou. Shirou eventually looks up, flinching under the weight of his stare. Archer looks murderous, lips pulled back in what he can only describe as a snarl.

Cu turns to follow Shirou’s gaze, corners of his mouth mouth tilting up into a sharp grin. He leans closer to Shirou, head resting above the other’s heart.

“What’s wrong?” Cu’s voice is sickly sweet, dripping with concern.

Shirou can see Archer curl his fingers into fists, confused as to why he’s reacting like that. He knew they had a falling out, but...

“Are you involved with my brother?”

Cu laughs again. It sounds almost like a bark, echoing off the brick walls. “ _Are you involved?_ What are you? Like fifty?”

“Answer the question, _Lancer._ ”

“What? You jealous?” Cu smirks, nuzzling Shirou’s chest. He twists his arm so one of his hands, still holding Shirou’s own, is in sight. “You missed that flight ages ago.”

Archer grinds his teeth, reaching down to yank Cu up by the back of his shirt. “I’m not jealous. I’m worried about my _family._ Dont hurt yourself trying to understand, I know you can’t worry about others.”

“Hey!” Shirou moves up with Cu, not letting go of his hands. They end up facing each other in a circle, none of them moving until Archer exhales through his nose and lets Cu go. 

Shirou lets go next, moving closer to Cu and glaring at Archer. “I know you two don’t get along, but who I spend time with is my business.”

Archer stares at him like he grew another head, looking from Shirou to Cu. “We don’t ‘get along’? You-“

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about?” Cu cuts Archer off, smiling still. “I’m pretty sure he’s an adult now.”

Shirou nods, swallowing as he stares down Archer. He didn’t take his brother for the jealous type. Or at all interested in anything past perusing justice. 

Archer narrows his eyes, staring Shirou down like he’s trying to take him apart piece by piece. The silence is thick, heavy, spreading through the room like a dense fog. “I see. Don’t expect me to help when this bites you in the ass.”

Archer turns on his heel, walking over to the door. He grabs the doorknob, going still and staring at the wood, body turned away from them both. He looks over his shoulder at the last second, eyes focusing solely on Cu. “Don’t slip.”

He’s out the door like a shot, slamming it behind him. It’s enough to make Shirou flinch, Cu seemingly unimpressed.

They’re both quiet for a minute, Cu eventually sighing and letting his head fall forward, rolling his neck as he straightens it again. “That went better than I have expected when I saw him.”

Shirou turns to him, eyes wide. “What did you do?”

“Turned him down.” Cu shrugs, turning the chair so the back is facing the desk and sitting in it again. He opens the bag of food, grabbing a fork and the to-go box on top, immediately starting to eat it. It looks like chicken and vegetables.

Wait.

Archer liked Cu. Is he breaking some sort of brother code here? Shirou frowns, watching Cu stuff his face like none of this just happened. 

“How can you eat right now?” Cu looks up at Shirou, chewing his food slowly while Shirou stares at him.

“I’m hungry?”

“You just fought with my brother and we found out some guy was killed!” Shirou looks like he’s about to explode, voice climbing higher and higher with each word. 

Cu just stares at him, eyebrow raised. Shirou stares back, the seconds dragging by. Eventually Cu puts the food down, playing with the chopsticks in his hands. 

He digs them into a piece of chicken, eyes fixed on the meat as the wood pierces it. “Does it affect you?”

“Wh- of course it does!” Shirou sounds indignant, eyebrows furrowed as he stares Cu down.

“No. Does it really affect you? If Archer hadn’t told you about the body then when would you find out? You don’t even know who got killed.” He drives the chopsticks into the chicken as he talks, breaking it apart.

It makes Shirou think of a knife stabbing into someone’s chest. “And besides, our history is in the past. I moved on. It’s not my fault he’s being a baby about it.”

“Don’t call him a baby.” Shirou frowns, crossing his arms.

Cu actually looks surprised, stopping his assault on the chicken to stare at him. The silence stretches on, Shirou unmoving.

Eventually Cu relaxes, shrugging. “My bad.“

Shirou uncrosses his arms, bringing his hands up to his face and groaning into them. He can’t focus, mind jumping back and forth between his brother and then the poor guy who got killed.

He can’t deny that Cu is right, either. It wouldn’t affect him if he wasn’t told about it. He still feels responsible though.

Shirou is pulled out of his thoughts by something nudging his side. He pulls his hands from his face, looking down at the takeout box assaulting him. “What?”

“Eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” It’s true. His stomach is in knots, full of guilt and regret.

It’s not the right answer, Cu putting down all the food and standing. He guides Shirou to the bed, making him sit. Shirou is hesitant, staring up at Cu uncertainty.

Cu just sits next to him, arm settling around his shoulders and pulling Shirou in against his chest. It’s warm. Shirou didn’t realize how cold he was until then.

It’s different than the quiet before, softer. Shirou is still on edge, slowly calmed down by the weight of Cu around him. Eventually Cu leans over to grab the food, pulling Shirou with him.

It messes up Shirou’s balance and he throws a hand out to keep from falling. It lands on Cu’s thigh and he turns red when he realizes. Cu sits up straight once he has the food in hand, smirking down at Shirou.

“So soon?” Shirou turns bright red, moving his hand away like it was stung. It’s embarrassing. Poor timing. Also, it was an accident.

“No. Sorry.” He watches Cu open the box with one hand, popping a piece of chicken into his mouth. Next is a piece of bell pepper. He brings it up to Shirou, pressing it against his mouth.

“Then eat.” It’s a lost cause. Shirou knows he’s going to lose, so he eats the dumb vegetable. He’s still not hungry, but it’s good, and he doesn’t want to fight with Cu. Not after all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bitch.
> 
> (This is short but listen the next chapter will come soon I SWEAR)
> 
> (Also I’m sorry for any grammar errors)

“This is Achilles.”

“Like the heel?”

The man standing in front of Shirou laughs. So does Cu. It’s a fair question Shirou thinks, defensive. 

“Yeah, like the heel.” The man nods, smiling at Shirou and holding his hand out. He looks about as weird as Cu, bright green hair standing on end and too sharp eyes pinning Shirou down. He’s grateful he’s used to it.

Shirou shakes his hand, smiling slightly. Cu had dragged him out of the room after a few hours of Shirou’s moping, declaring he wouldn’t let him stew in his own misery. Shirou bets he was just bored. 

At least it works. He can’t really think about anything when he’s being led around an orphanage by an overly cheery man with hair greener than grass. 

Apparently he runs the place with his sister. She’s older than him, started the whole thing up.

“Where is Atlanta, anyways?” Cu sounds bored, not as impressed with his friends selflessness as much as Shirou.

“Probably checking back alleys for lost children.” Achilles shrugs. “You know her.”

Cu frowns, shoulders sagging like the weight of the world just settled on them. “But she promised she’d bring me along the next time she went prowling through back alleys.”

Achilles snorts. “Maybe you were too busy with your boy toy and she got tired of waiting.”

Cu laughs while Shirou blushes, hitting Achilles playfully. “Well, you got me there. I have been a little distracted lately.”

He leans in closer, wrapping an arm around Achilles neck and talking in a stage whisper. “Sometimes I just can’t think straight.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“I think pretty gay.”

It’s enough to make both of them laugh, Shirou joining in. It’s infectious, and Cu seems so giddy here, with his friend. It’s nice, enough to make everything that happened before get pushed to the back of Shirou’s mind.

Between Achilles and Cu he can’t focus on the negative. The children don’t help, either. 

Shirou was stunned at first, kids slowly coming in from outside until he was surrounded. Cu laughed at his expression, explaining that Achilles and Atlanta ran an orphanage.

Atlanta was stubborn, never turning down the chance to help a child. Achilles supported her passion as best he could, eventually working some jobs with Cu for extra cash. After the fourth job with Achilles telling Cu how great they kids were he gave in, falling for the little ankle biters. Suddenly he was conscripted in caring for the kids Atlanta brought.

She really cared.

It’s incredible.

She’s a hero. 

“Careful, I think carrot top is swooning for my sister.” Achilles smirks, laughing at the way Cu’s eyes go dark.

“He wouldn’t.” Cu pouts, stepping away from the table where he’s bagging lunches and moving toward the small kitchen counter where Shirou is. He leans on him, chin resting on top of Shirou’s head, pouting. “He’s mine.”

“C-Cu, stop.”

Shirou turns bright red, ignoring the laughs from some of the children as they wonder loudly about whether Cu and Shirou are married.

Cu lets go after enough complaints from Shirou, snickering at how red he is gotten.

It’s... nice. All of this, the children, Achilles. It’s enough of a distraction that Shirou is able to forget about what happened. At least enough to smile at the kids. 

Cu steps away for a bit, coming back and talking to Achilles in a low voice. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed and looking more at ease than Shirou has ever seen him. Cu glances over at him, winking before leaning closer and saying something to Achilles.

Achilles looks like he’s thinking about something, looking over at Shirou as well. It feels like he’s being dissected by both men, Achilles eventually shrugging.

He walks over to where Shirou is with the kids, plopping down on one of the tiny chairs at the table. “So, you want a job?”

Shirou blinks. “I’m sorry?”

“Do you want a job? Cu mentioned it’s something you might.... that you could use an extra source of income?”

Shirou blinks, at a loss. “Y-yes?”

He hopes it’s not because Cu got tired of paying for food. It’s not like he asked for it.

Cu appears at his side in an instant, grinning. “Figured you might like to help some people. Or, well, children.”

Well, he can’t argue that. Shirou mods, suddenly feeling like this is an interview. One of the kids tugs his sleeve, a little girl named Jack, and he turns to her. 

“Of course, I’ll have to check with Atlanta but I’m sure she’ll love you. Who wouldn’t?”  
Achilles is smirking at Cu when he says this.

“Guilty as charged,” Cu returns, laughing.

Shirou is blushing again, ignoring Jack as she points it out. This really is... nice.

He loses track of time, only thinking to check when Achilles mentions getting ready for dinner. The day went by fast, so fast, and he’s stunned to see it’s already getting dark.

Achilles gets up, gesturing for Cu to follow. “You help me. Shirou, keep an eye on the monsters.”

“Wow, he’s not even working for you yet and you’re already a slave driver.”

“Oh, zip it.” Achilles leaves the room, Cu pouts as he gets up and walks towards the door.

He pauses at the doorway, turning and pointing a finger at Jack. “Don’t you try to take my man.”

Jack sticks her tongue out, hugging Shirou tightly. Cu frowns, walking back over to Shirou, bending over and cupping Shirou’s jaw. He kisses him, chaste and sweet, ignoring the sounds of disgust coming from the children. Cu pulls back with a smirk, grinning as he stands up and leaves the room to help Achilles make dinner.

Shirou is in a daze, answering Jack’s comments absentmindedly. He feels warm, chest fuzzy. This is... nice. Despite everything this is so nice. 

Most of the kids are tired now, settling down, a few even taking naps. Jack is snoozing at Shirou’s side, hand gripping his shirt tightly like he might vanish at any moment. 

“I’m impressed. She doesn’t like anyone but me and my brother.” Shirou turns, eyes wide. 

He blinks when he sees her, thrown off by the headband. The woman steps forward, looking at him critically. “I’m Atlanta.”

Shirou smiles at her. “I’m Shirou.”

She narrows her eyes, walking around him like a cat stalking its prey. “Yes. Achilles texted me about you.”

“Oh.”

“He said you might work here.” She gets in his personal space, taking three strides and suddenly too close. He wraps his arm around Jack, instinctively trying to protect her.

Atlanta looks down, smiling at the action. She extends her hand, suddenly at ease. The tension is gone, eyes warm. “Welcome.”

She extends her hand, grabbing Shirou’s and shaking it. He can feel callouses on her palm, a strength behind the grip that reminds him of his dad. “You’re hired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I’m so tired.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *jazz hands*
> 
> I’m always worried about Shirou Being ooc, But this Shirou was also way too young to actually remembered the event that killed his (and Archer’s) family, and therefore is much less traumatized than usual. If you want full trauma you have to talk to Archer, since he was canon Shirou’s age.
> 
> Still doesn’t mean he isn’t still... weird about being a hero. Having Kiritsugu as a dad does that to you.
> 
> Warnings: blood

Cu was wrong, the death does affect Shirou. He knows the victim. 

He isn’t aware of this until he walks into his shared class with Rin, sitting beside her and saying hello. She takes a moment to respond, eventually giving him a muted greeting. It’s enough to make him look at her properly, and all at once Shirou knows.

It was Shinji. 

“I’m sorry.” His mouth tastes like ash.

Rin shakes her head. “Don’t be. It’s fine. It’s not like we were close. He was an asshole.”

Shirou reflexively to tell her not to speak ill of the dead but the words die on his tongue. She’s right. It’s not like he was particularly fond of Shinji, either. 

Still, it feels wrong.

He places a hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. She smiles weakly at him, eyes dull. “I’m more surprised than anything. You don’t have to feel bad.”

Shirou nods, lips pressed together in a thin line as the smile falls from her face. 

“Like, I feel bad but I don’t... I don’t care, you know? My dad died when I was young and I’m still not over it. But Shinji, he was... I don’t know.” Rin buries her face in her hands, words muffled.

“I feel like a bad person. He was my cousin. I should be crying.”

Shirou watches quietly. He doesn’t know to respond because he doesn’t miss Shinji either. He feels bad that he’s dead, but it’s caused more by the idea of death than Shinji himself. 

He reacts less strong now, knowing who was killed, than he did the day he found out. He wonders if he’s just numb to it.

They sit through class in silence, Shirou keeping his hand on Rin’s arm to let her know he’s here. Everyone in class acts like nothing happened, like there isn’t a classmate gone. 

Shirou feels very small.

—

He’s with Cu later, as he always is, sitting on his bed with his legs crossed. Cu is at his desk, leaning on the chair and his laptop on his thighs as they do work. It’s quieter than usual; Shirou feels like a deflated ballon.

“Are you okay?” Cu asks. Honestly, Shirou was expecting the question much sooner. He shakes his head.

“Something happened today, but... it’s nothing.” He doesn’t know why he doesn’t just tell Cu. Maybe it’s because he thinks Cu is going to say something that’ll piss him off. He always loathed Shinji. Considering the way Shinji died he might even call it poetic. 

Or maybe he’ll voice the fact Shirou doesn’t care about the death. At least, not as much as he thinks he should. 

After a few minutes with no response Shirou looks up, jolting when he finds Cu staring at him. He doesn’t look away, something inside telling him not to. That it would be dangerous.

Eventually Cu shrugs and looks away, breaking the tension that was building between them. It doesn’t get brought up again, Cu asking about a question on the study guide for bio. 

—

Daily life becomes a habit, patterns that Shirou can run on auto pilot. Class, Cu, work, sleep, repeat. Shirou doesn’t have time to worry about morals, too busy. Every second of time he has is filled between one thing or the other. 

Rin gets better, slowly but surely. In fact, she improves quicker than Shirou himself does, one day grinning ear to ear and telling him a joke.

It’s not until Cu breaks the pattern that Shirou realizes he’s exhausted.

“Wanna come over to my place tonight?” Shirou is halfway to getting his pants on, pausing long enough to lose his balance and stumble before catching himself. 

“Yes?” It shouldn’t be so surprising that Cu has his own place, he does need somewhere to keep all his clothes. And general belongings. And everything else. Shirou just assumed he’d never actually see it.

“Cool.” Cu gives him a lopsided smile, waiting for the pants to come on before continuing. “Hopefully it gets a better reaction than you gave my car.”

“Listen. I don’t know cars. I never had to know about cars. I still don’t know about cars.”

Cu huffs. “You looked at my 2018 Camaro and asked what breed it was.”

“I said sorry!”

“And I forgave you. But I won’t let you live it down.” Cu stands, rolling his shoulders as he gets up. He grabs his back from the foot of Shirou’s bed, pausing. “Oh yeah, I need to do something this morning so I’m ditching bio.”

“What?” Shirou pauses, hand halfway in his bag. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing too important, just some things I’ve been putting off and need to take care of.”

“Oh. Okay.” Shirou can’t pretend like he isn’t sad at the idea of Cu being somewhere without him. It’s surprising how used to the other’s presence he’s become, expecting it even.

“I’ll text you my address later though, so you can come meet me at my place.” Shirou perks up at that, nodding. “Come over as soon as you’re done with your classes.”

He can’t even pretend like he isn’t thrilled at the thought of seeing what Cu’s place is like. It’s probably dusty with disuse with how much time Cu spends with him. Maybe that’s what he needs to do. Clean.

That thought makes Shirou feel giddy enough to forget his exhaustion for a moment. 

He carries that thought with him all the way to class, smiling wide when Cu kisses him on the cheek before leaving. He sits down in his usual seat, still lost on cloud nine. 

“You look happy.”

Shirou startles, looking up to see Artoria smiling down at him. They take the seat next to him, pulling out a notebook and scribbling the date at the top. “Did something good happen?”

Shirou blushes, still smiling despite himself. “I guess?”

He never knows how to act around them. Obviously Artoria is closer to Archer than to him, but they’re always sweet. Still... they’re not fond of Cu for whatever reason, something that nags at the back of Shirou’s mind every time they talk.

“I’m assuming it’s due to your... paramour.”

It’s such an odd thing to say that Shirou laughs, Artoria smiling in response. “Yeah, yeah my paramour.”

“Well,” they say, entirely polite and yet Shirou can sense the shift. “I wish you the best.”

Shirou hesitates, hesitating before speaking. “Why do you and Archer hate him?”

Artoria looks thrown off, like they didn’t expect the question. Like they didn’t expect him to be so blunt.

Shirou continues before they can answer. “Cu said it’s because he rejected Archer.”

“Hah. If only it was so simple.” Artoria rests their chin in their hand, staring at Shirou. “Though yes, I guess you could say it was a rejection with a parting gift.”

“Wh-“

The professor walks in at that moment, cutting off his question. Artoria shoots him an apologetic look, shrugging. 

He wants to believe it’s because their conversation was cut short, but their face is too sad.

At least the lecture is interesting.

Even if he is distracted.

He’ll ask Cu tonight.

As if on queue, his phone buzzes. Shirou pulls it out discreetly, seeing the notification. Speak of the devil.

It’s a text from Cu, an address Shirou can only assume is his place. He pulls the phone out completely, putting it on his desk behind his pencil pouch, inputting the address into Google.

He frowns. It’s not far but... he’ll still need to take an Uber. 

The rest of the day drags now that he has the address. He’d never noticed how used to Cu’s company he is, suddenly feeling lonely. He’s not... pining, no, he just misses Cu’s company. His voice. His smile.

Shirou sighs, staring blankly into space. It’s been seven hours and he can’t seem to focus. When he finally gets to his dorm room he flops onto the bed, groaning into the blanket before pushing himself up.

He stands back up, grabbing a jacket and putting it on before making sure he has his keys and wallet and leaving the room. 

He opens the Uber app, confirming a ride and waiting outside for it. It doesn’t take long, the drive even shorter, and then he’s outside an apartment complex.

It’s... big. Not flashy or tacky, but pristine, standing out between the buildings on either side of it. Shirou wonders how exactly Cu can afford living here, it can’t be cheap and as far as he knows Cu doesn’t currently have a job. He still doesn’t know what Cu does, the questions either being brushed off or redirected to something else. He shakes off the thought and makes his way up, nodding at a man sitting behind the reception desk, taking the elevator to the sixth floor.

There’s not many doors, the space between each one hinting at the large size of the apartments. He makes his way down the hall, footsteps soft on the carpet. He can barely hear anything, suddenly nervous about breaking the silence that’s settling on him like a lead blanket. 

It’s oppressive. Shirou can feel the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He finally gets to Cu’s door, checking the number on the text and pausing. He stares, brain not understanding why the door is open. It takes a moment before he moves, rushing in slamming the door into the wall.

The entry is small, quickly opening up to a living room and kitchen, separated by a counter between them. Shirou’s eyes are drawn to the stove light in the kitchen, a half prepared diner spread across the counter and some on the floor.

“Shirou!” Cu’s voice is desperate. Shirou’s turns to the living room, finally seeing him, eyes wide. 

There’s a large man on top of him in all black, hiding Cu in the shadows cast by the counter. He doesn’t miss how panicked Cu’s eyes are, or the gun that’s slowly twisting to point at Cu’s face, only stopped by Cu’s own arm. He’s losing. 

“He-“ Cu’s mouth is covered by a gloved hand, the intruder not even bothering to glance in Shirou’s direction.

Shirou feels like he’s on autopilot as he moves. A long knife on the counter catches his eye and he grabs it without a second thought, running towards the two men. He has to protect Cu. He has to save him. He can’t let someone else die. He can’t watch someone else die.

There isn’t a single thought in his head as he lifts the knife, other hand cupping the end of the handle. He brings it down, jaw clenched. It’s easier than he expects, the knife is sharp, sinking in deep enough that the hilt hits the man’s back.

He doesn’t let up, twisting the blade as he pulls it up before bringing the knife down again and plunging it into his back. 

The man gags, something snapping in his body. He coughs, a wet sound, red splattering Cu’s face and the carpet. 

Shirou stumbles back, watching as the man struggles to get off of Cu, gun falling forgotten to the ground. 

Cu struggles to get up, shoving the man off him and onto his back. Shirou can see the knife sticking out of his front, a good two inches of the blade exposed. The man slowly stops struggling, blood seeping onto the carpet underneath him. 

Cu pants, pushing himself up and making his way to Shirou once the stranger goes still. “Hey.”

Shirou starts, turning from the man (body?) to face Cu. He recoils when he sees Cu’s shirt, the once white fabric stained in red. “You- thank you. You saved me.”

Shirou closes and opens his mouth like a fish. He did, didn’t he? That makes him a hero doesn’t it? Then why doesn’t he feel good?

Shirou is quiet, frozen in place and staring at Cu like a deer in headlights.

He just killed a man. He needs to be arrested, right? Or at least tell someone what happened. “I need to call the police.”

It’s the first thing he says, Cu grimacing at the words. 

“No.”

“What?”

“You just killed a man, you think the cops are gonna let you go?”

“But he was attacking you!” Shirou’s eyes are wide, not understanding. The cops would get it, wouldn’t they? He saved Cu, he had to. It was necessary. “He had a gun!”

Cu shakes his head, pulling Shirou closer. He reaches a hand into Shirou’s hair, tucking him against his chest. It’s disgusting, blood seeping into Shirou’s shirt, but Cu is warm under the sticky shirt. Shirou can’t seem to stop shaking, reaching up and holding onto his arm.

“Doesn’t matter.” Shirou’s head is turned to face the body, eyes unable to look away. “I owe you for this, so I’ll take care of it, okay?”

“But-“

Cu grabs onto Shirou’s shoulders, pushing him back just enough to look into his eyes. “I’ll fix this. You just need to trust me. Don’t call the police, and don’t tell anyone.”

Shirou frowns, not sure how to respond. He doesn’t feel like a criminal, he stopped a bad guy, but Cu’s words weigh on his mind. What if Cu is right and the police don’t see it the same way.

“I’m the only one you can trust right now.” Cu holds him in place, not letting Shirou break eye contact until Shirou nods.

Cu smiles, looking exhausted but relieved. “Good. Now let’s get to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered how much you’d have to corner Shirou or hurt someone he cared about in the anime for him to deadass kill someone, you know? His desire to protect really only extends to those in immediate danger, with those he cares about being a higher priority.
> 
> In the words of FUB Abridged Archer: you are a deranged little man.


End file.
